To the edge and back

Whelm- (hwelm) v.t. [ME]- 1. to submerge, cover, or engulf; hence 2. to overpower or crush; overwhelm.

That was how I felt last night. So totally overwhelmed, I got frightened I might be heading for a break-down. I don't know that I truly was, but it sure felt like it. I had some tears and prayed, two things I do a lot of. There was so much going on. I was still feeling the emotion of moving into the new house without Dale, all the things that needed to be done to get the house up to snuff, getting the car licensed, getting a new Dr., and the the big one, job hunting. There were more things as well, but I'll not bore you. As Anne says ( that's Anne of Green Gables of course) I felt 'green and provincial'. I felt heavy and depressed, fearful, inadequate, the whole alone thing again. I didn't know what to do. I was really scared I would implode!

I woke up before 6am and kept tossing and turning till 7am, when I convinced myself to get out of bed and exercise. I hate exercising, but these past several months have not been good to this stress eater. I put in the workout cd, did my duty, took a shower and laid on my bed and cried. I asked the Lord to please help me, I didn't want to despair. I didn't want not to trust, but at the moment it was too hard of a task for me. I got dressed did the usual morning tasks, made my cup of tea and sat down to have my devotions.

My usual routine is to read from a devotional book, that I love and have had for years. As often is the case, the Lord had scriptures verses waiting just for me. It amazes me how the Lord put in Mary Tilestons heart to write these particular verses then, over a hundred years ago, so that He could use them in my life today. These were the verses:

Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. Psalms 27:14

He gives power to the faint; and to them that have no might He increases strength. Isaiah 40:29

Boy, did that sledge hammer feel good! How perfect those words! After reading I felt that oppressing, ominous weigh lift from my heart and mind. It was amazing! It was if at that moment things made sense, and I felt like the Lord gave clear direction. One thing being I was trying to do to much and expecting it done in a certain time frame. I had brought it all on myself, simply because I forgot the truths I had learned already. I was trying to set the pace on this trodden path, only to spin myself into a rut, with the Lord standing on that trodden path in front of me, patiently waiting for me to look up and not in the hole I had dug. He is marvelous! Feeling sheepish, yet relieved, I took His hand and said, I was sorry and of course, I want to follow His lead.

And that I shall. Oh, I will bog myself down again, we always do, but I know, I truly believe, all will be well. I know that everything will fall into place as it should, when it should. It isn't my time frame, 'my times are in His hands', not just the beginning and the end, but everything in between as well. I am glad. I am grateful. I am most relieved.