Back to school

This is the first year since 1987 that I have not had to buy school supplies for my girls. It was really strange going into the store seeing the paper and pencils all piled on the shelves waiting for someone with a school supply list to pick them up and put them in their shopping cart. It wasn't me. I was a bit sad. But then, I also thought that that meant no more assignments, or tests to grade. No more nagging for the report that was to be done a week ago. I was a retired school teacher! That put a smile on my face.

Yesterday I found out I was accepted into a CNA program, with a job on the other side, if I past the state test. When I got off the phone, I thanked the Lord for answering prayer, and then I got a cold feeling in my stomach. I would be going back to school, I would be the student. I asked the lady if I needed to bring anything, she said no, everything would be supplied. I still don't get to buy any school supplies, that is unless you consider scrubs, shoes worth staying in all day, and a stethoscope, school supplies. I will need these after the first two weeks of classroom study. So, today, Autumn and my SIL, who will from here on out be referred to as Sweet Tea, as she is from the south, and I went to town to look for scrubs. This is not an easy task unless you want Tinker Bell, Snoopy, or various assorted animals adorning the tops. Not my style. I did find a solid blue and one with flowers that will do. I really don't want to invest in a lot as there is always the chance I will wash out of the program. Oh, my, I'm going back to school!

For 28 years, I have been a homemaker. I like being a homemaker. I never wanted a career out side the home. I like home. I like having a coffee break whenever and for however long I want it to be. I like the idea of deciding not to do laundry if I don't want to , but to read a book all day instead. Those days are gone, and I am really sad. I know, I will still be a homemaker as I will still have to do dishes, and dust, I hate dusting, go grocery shopping, and all the other things that go with that, but now it will be after a full day at work, when I am tired, and my feet hurt, and I really just want to soak in the tub and go to bed. I will still need to get them done, and doing them at the end of the day, when I don't feel like it, well, where will the joy be in that. And that is part of that cold feeling in my stomach. More change. More having to do things I don't want to.

I will have to change my mind set, change my heart because this is a necessity. I am the bread winner now. It doesn't feel like winning. I feel like I am losing something precious, something that makes me who I am. This is hard.

The Lord told the children of Israel that if they would obey Him, to keep His commandments, cling to Him, walk in all His ways, then whatever they would put their hand to, they would prosper, they would succeed. I have seen God's hand work in my life, I have seen His provision. So, given this new path to walk down, I will cling, a lot, to the Lord, and trust that as I walk in His ways, in His footprints, I will have the heart I need, I will have the joy I need, and the dusting will get done to boot.