The house is quiet, save the hum of the refrigerator, and the occasional pop of burning logs in the wood stove. Autumn went to bed early as she has been working long hours, while having a cold, and was feeling a bit drained. So, I was left to watch a Fred Astaire and Ginger Rodgers movie by myself. Even with the din of the song and dance, it still seemed quite.
The wind chimes are making their own music, tinkling in the wind. I love the sound of wind chimes, yet when they stop, the night is so quite.
I don't mind the stillness, except when I want to hear the Lord. 'Be still, and know I am God.' But sometimes I still don't hear Him. I want to hear Him. I want to hear Him tell me all is well. I want to hear Him tell me what the future holds, what the direction is for me. I know what Jeremiah 29:11 says. I believe it, I do, but my humanness screams, 'talk to me'. It was easy to know my future, the direction of my life when Dale was alive. I was okay when he said, 'I believe I am to..., I believe the Lord is directing me... It was okay, because I was praying for him as my spiritual leader to be given the wisdom from the Lord to know. I am my own spiritual leader now and it just isn't the same.
'My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.' I am trying hard to hear. I want to hear, I don't like this kind of silence. What am I doing wrong? Am I doing anything wrong. I don't know. Maybe this is just a continuance of this sacred fire I been going through. Oh, I hope I am not being stubborn or stupid which would generate the stillness that at times overtakes me as a dark, moonless night. I don't see the path, I'm not hearing my Shepherds voice calling me. ' Be still and know... O Lord, can I be any quieter? Maybe my spiritual ears have become like my near 49 year old ears. You'll have to speak up, Lord. Speak in my good ear. Please.
You know, this has always been hard for me because I have honestly only 'heard' God once. It wasn't even in stillness. I do think we have to make effort to get away from all the noise but I don't think you have to sit quietly in order to hear him, Auntie J. Pastor Mark says at the end of the day, look for evidences of God's grace. Through that he speaks. You are his vessel and as you speak about him, he takes control of the words. Maybe you need to get louder. :) Don't be still.... RUN. Sometimes we want him to speak TO US (we are selfish, we definitely don't want to share him) when he's already made himself SO prevalent. I don't know.... I guess I'm babbling now. I'm trying to be encouraging..... I LOVE YOU and the men will be gone soon. :)
ReplyDeleteOh my precious! Wise words and they have aptly hit the mark. Thank you. You have my permission to babble anytime. Yes, the men have left for the weekend, but they will be back. Ugh!
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