Wrestling like Jacob

That's what I did Thursday night. Wednesday at the long care facility was horrible. We students were being assigned a new resident. This would make 3. I was not looking forward to one more. But I was okay with it for now as Wednesday, I was to help with showers, all day. At least it would be a change, though I wasn't looking forward to seeing wrinkly old bodies for hours on end. When I got there I found out there would be no showers that day as a CNA had call in sick and the Aid that was to do showers would now take the absent Aid's run. I was handed a paper with info on my new resident. Oi! When I got to the first room, one of my ladies was already up and dressed thanks to an Aid who favors her. My new lady also had been gotten up as that Aid didn't know she was to be mine. So, I got up my last lady, who is the easiest of the three and got her down to the nurses station for her meds. That was the last of the ease for the day.

One of the students was sent home as she came to class sick. We would be short in the dining hall. I had to assist 2 residents with breakfast. Neither of the men can feed themselves, so I sat between them taking turns giving them bites. After breakfast I got my ladies back to their room. One goes back to bed after breakfast. She is 103, so I reckon she can if she wants too. After that there was a rash of how shall I say it, a lot of residents with lower digestive difficulties. I spent the rest of the day cleaning up bottoms and making beds. The call lights went out so we had to give hand bells to all the residents. What a noise that was! We had to check rooms every 15 minutes, we were running around with our tails on fire! The staff were getting cranky and it rolled down hill to we students. Two of us almost walked at lunch. I sat in car to eat lunch and cried. The other gal, 19, fell apart on the floor. We both stayed the day, cleaning up more residents.

On the way home, like most days I cried. I hated being on the floor. This was more than I bargained for. When I got home I took a long, hot shower. I wanted to wash off all the icky germs as I didn't want to catch whatever was going around. The next morning I got up, got dressed, ate my breakfast and shortly after, got sick. I called my instructor. She said another student also called in sick. I went back to bed till 11am. I lay in bed all day with an icky stomach. I started to feel better at bed time but couldn't sleep.

I tossed and turned. Every time I thought about going to training, my stomach went cold and started to hurt. I started to pray, and cry, again. I didn't want to go back. I hated it. I had no heart for it. I don't know how long I wrestled with all this, I stopped looking at the clock.

I finally asked the Lord, if it was not a moral or spiritual issue, could I please stop going. I asked for wisdom and direction, for His help and blessing. I finally had an answer, and I was at peace.

The next morning, I call my instructor. I told her how I was feeling and that I had decided to come out of the program. She was so understanding, an answer to prayer. She said it isn't for everyone, and she wished me well in whatever I would do. I hung up. I felt such a rush of relief. I was done, and I was glad.

My hip was not out of joint, like Jacob's, though the small of my back was sore, more I am sure from lifting people for 3 days. I had received my blessing and I was grateful. I don't know what is next. But I learned to be more patient, to trust harder, to not panic and think that just because I see an opportunity, doesn't mean it if for me.

My God is faithful to deliver. He is merciful and long suffering. My face is on the ground. I will be able to see His footprints better from here.