Oasis

It has been a week since I have written. It is simply because of being consumed by life. I will not give a full diatribe on the past 7 day, but will say only this, renovation and city permits. I am sure you can fill in the blanks. On top of that I have been attempting to start an Etsy account and all I will say there is, Oi!

Being consumed with stress, decisions, endless streams of workman, and much emotion has left me a bit drained and raw. It has been so difficult doing all this without Dale's input, his being in charge, that it seems to have bought about a new stage of grief. I have been feeling much like I did in the first few months after his passing away. No desire to get out of bed in the morning, no desire to sleep at night. No energy, no desire to do anything. Void. Fatigued. And yes, even the d work. Depressed. Yet, I didn't have time for any of these things. The sun and moon rise and set, regardless how I feel. I have my daughter to take care of, a house to tend to, bills to pay... ad nauseum. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling so closed up. It makes me tired. I have been more emotional as a result. Perhaps too, the emotions are because the holidays approach. The one year mark is at my heels. The whirr of my brain fatigues me. I so want calm and peace.

Last night at Bible study, Ps 84 was read. It was refreshment to my very soul. A familiar Psalm. One I love and have read over and over again. Last night it came to me differently.

How blessed is the man whose strength is in Thee; In whose heart are the highways to Zion!
Passing through the valley of Baca, they make it a spring. The early rains also covers it with blessings. They go from strength to strength. Ps. 84: 5-7

It hit me like a lead pipe up-long side of the head. It is my responsibility to put my strength in the Lord. It is my responsibility to have the focus of my journey, heavenward. It is my responsibility that when I am walking in the valley of Baca, or valley of weeping, that I make it a spring, I find the joy, I seek the blessing. I am to go from strength to strength. Yes, I can do nothing apart from Christ, but I can do all things through Christ.

In the deserts there are natural oasis'. I have never seen one in person, but I understand that those who dwell in deserts, know where every oasis is. They know how to travel to each one because of those who had journeyed to them before. As they travel through the desert under hot scorching sun, they don't stop till they reach the next oasis. They take with them what they need between each oasis. They know how much food and water to take with them to survive the harsh trek. Once at the oasis, they stop and rest. They have reached the next way marker of the journey, and now they benefit from it. Fresh water. They wash the dust off, totally refreshing themselves, for they know the journey continues till they arrive home. They replenish water to their water bags and press on. They go from oasis to oasis, hope to hope, strength to strength.

That is exactly what I am to do, take what I need each day from the oasis's God gives me , so that I am ready for the next leg of the journey. Will life consume me. Will I be total crying basket case some days, yep! But, it is my heart and focus that will see me though those in between times in the desert. Notice the verse says, 'passing through the valley'. He doesn't leave us there, Jesus made the way in the wilderness. There is always an oasis. It is up to me to get there.