Prince of Peace

Peace. Just the sound of the of the word is peaceful. I am one who likes peace and quiet. I like the song of birds, the rain as it falls, the crackle of a fire on the hearth, the purr of our kitten, the gentle sound of my grandson breathing as he lay on my chest sleeping. I am not one that likes being where there is a cacophony of noises, it easily overwhelms me. I would much rather lay under a tree and hear the leaves rustle in the wind.

But peace, as a character quality, has much eluded me this past year, mostly about what my future holds, how I will earn an income, what I will do for the rest of my life. I know in my heart of hearts, that the Lord all ready has things figured out and will tell me in due time, but in the mean while, I often find myself whelmed by the cacophony of my own heart and mind. How, what, when...how I long for a peaceful heart.

"Thou will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee." I love that verse, I try to keep my mind on the things of Christ, I'm not fretful there, yet as the year comes to a close, and I know I must start earning a living, Oi! here comes that flood of questions!

Today was the one year mark of Dale's passing. It was a gentle day, for which I was grateful. Dale was a wonderful provider for our family, whether in ministry or secular work, we never missed a payment on anything, we may not have had everything we wanted, but we never went without. He was good with our money, he always took care of the bank book, all the family 'business'. I never had to worry about any of that. I think that is why I am having such a hard time with having to be the bread winner. I was well cared for, I didn't have to work, I was able to be home where I wanted to be. This is all changing. I have no choice. It scares me. I have no peace. I desperately want it.

Christ is the Prince of Peace. What all that entells, I really don't know. I do know that as we dealt with Dale's cancer, with his dying, God gave us abundant peace through it all. It was truly amazing to see how the Lord got us through such a horrible time. His peace, made it seem less horrible. But I had Dale, we went through it together, he was tangible, he could hold me, I could hear his voice. I don't have that anymore. I am on my own, in a sense.

What's my point? I'm not sure. I lack peace. Christ is the peace giver. I know this, I have experienced it. Is it any different for me now? I don't think so? So, what do I do? I continue to trust in a Holy Saviour, who loves me without partiality, who left the perfect peace of Heaven to come to the earth, which was not peaceful, so that He could go to the cross for me. The battle has been won. From Heavens perspective, there is peace, abundant peace. It is mine for the asking...for the trusting.

Tomorrow is a new year. No, it is not 2010, but it is a new year for me, another without Dale by my side. I have no idea what the Lord has for me. That is really not important. i don't have to know, yet. I do know He has already prepared the way for me, which is why I should be at peace, but more importantly, He is preparing me for what He has already set in motion. So, why should I not have peace? He loves me, He is my Prince of Peace.