It has been a tough couple days. This was our first Thanksgiving without Dale. He loved Thanksgiving, it was his favorite holiday. We celebrated without him. It is amazing to me, how in a roomful of people, 23 to be exact, people whom I love, I can still be extremely lonely.
Yet, at the same time, there is joy. There is thanksgiving.
I am thankful for 3 beautiful, accomplished, godly, daughters, who are my greatest treasure. They bring such joy to my life, I would be lost without them.
I am thankful for 2 wonderful, godly son-in-laws, and one almost son-in-law, who adore and love my daughters.
For my grandson. Who fills my heart in such a most significant way, that only the Lord and I know.
For my parents who loved and raised me to love the Lord, who continue to take my name before the Throne of God as my advocates.
For my siblings, who love and support me.
For my nieces and nephews, who are growing into such fine, delightful adults.
For In-laws, who are family indeed.
For friends of all sorts, who laugh, encourage, and love right along side me.
I am thankful to the Lord, that though I don't always understand His ways, He continues to take me by the hand and lead me gently forward onto new passages. For meeting my every need, at every bend. For giving light, sometimes only just enough, to take the next step. I am thankful for the 28 years of knowing Dale, and for the fact that for eternity I will be able to worship the Lord with him, as he does now. So, even if at times it is with tears, I am thankful, really.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Giving Thanks
There are two more days till Thanksgiving. I am feeling the emotions of it, have been for a couple weeks. This time last year Dale was really sick. He spent most of his days sleeping. He got up only to have part of a Popsicle or a trip to the bathroom.
The kids all came to be with us for Thanksgiving. Wee Man was just a month old, and our sole comfort and enjoyment that day. He could do no tricks, but smile, and that was enough for us. We all took turns holding him and whispering to him. We needed to be quiet as Dale's sense of hearing was so sensitive, the slightest sounds cause him discomfort. So, the kids and I spent 2 days in the family room with the door shut, being as quiet as we could. It was relatively easy as none of us were in a festive mood. We had our dinner and watched movies to pass our time.
I ached in my soul as I went between family room and our bedroom, trying to bring comfort to each. Reassuring Dale we were all fine, reassuring the kids that their Papa was fine. I was fooling no one. It was a heavy atmosphere, save the sweet tender smiles and coos of Wee Man. How timely his birth!
At one point Dale got up to speak to the kids. It was like Jacob speaking to his sons. He spoke to the kids as a group and then he spoke to the boys. He gave a charge to the son in laws to take care of their wives, and Autumn and I. His weak, thin body was overtaken by his passion for the Lord, in instructing others His truth. This was Dale's last sermon in a sense. It was powerful.
I don't write this to be maudlin, but as an intro, long it may be, to say how very thankful I am for my wonderful son in laws, who have heeded the counsel and charge of their father in law in the task given them. I am thankful that they are men of God, the heads and spiritual leaders of their homes, love their wives, and how Superman is raising his son. That is the greatest gift they could give in honoring Dale. I am thankful too, how they have stepped up to the plate in seeing to my needs, tasks and projects around the house, inside and out. Their willingness to help, mostly for their love and hugs. They are good men.
I am grateful too for my wonderful, loving daughters who have been my rock many a time, even in the midst of their own grief. They have loved me well, and their Papa would be very proud of them.
The Lord is faithful, merciful and so kind. I am blessed.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Chasing the sun
If you want to catch the sun, don't run with it, it will always allude you. You must run through the darkness to catch the sunrise. Sometimes we have to make friends with the darkness to fully appreciate the light. It is a choice. It is always a choice.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Rote Prayers, Answers of Mercy
The wind has been blowing mightily as I have been trying to fall asleep. I like to hear the wind, I love to feel it flow across my face. But, right now with a large pine tree outside my window, I have been praying it remain upright and not in my attic. As I was praying for protection, my prayers turned to thanksgiving of a pray prayed this morning.
I sometimes feel my prayers are rote. I don't want them to be. Sometimes they seem to general, a few words breathed, yet with a broad intent. It takes time to pray well, I don't often take the appropriate time. This morning was one of those times. I prayed for my children, for protection and safety. I kind of lumped them all together, but I really wanted for the Lord to grant them safety. I know that that pray, this past year, ascends with a bit of fear behind it. I have born the loss of my husband, I don't want to loss a child. Justified or not, no amount of fear, or prayer will change what God ordains. But today, that brief prayer of protection was answered.
Autumn went to Walmart today before she went to work. When she returned to her car, a man approached her saying he was stranded and could she help. She said she couldn't and continued to get into her car. He took hold of her door. She looked at him and told him to let go. Rudely, he did. She got in her vehicle and drove home.
When she told me this, my thought was of that quick prayer shot heavenward hours earlier. I was grateful the prayer was answered. I was grateful the Lord gave her a cool head. I was grateful for bands of angels that surrounded her at that moment.
As I lay in bed thanking the Lord, over and over, I realized that it isn't the words I pray, but my hearts attitude, which the Lord knows better than I do. He knew the days events before I did. He knew that Autumn would be in peril. He knew my mothers heart. And though my prayer was of the genetic brand, He heard my heart and He granted mercy and protection.
My desire is to walk and pray in a manner worth of my Saviour. I am grateful He knows this.
I sometimes feel my prayers are rote. I don't want them to be. Sometimes they seem to general, a few words breathed, yet with a broad intent. It takes time to pray well, I don't often take the appropriate time. This morning was one of those times. I prayed for my children, for protection and safety. I kind of lumped them all together, but I really wanted for the Lord to grant them safety. I know that that pray, this past year, ascends with a bit of fear behind it. I have born the loss of my husband, I don't want to loss a child. Justified or not, no amount of fear, or prayer will change what God ordains. But today, that brief prayer of protection was answered.
Autumn went to Walmart today before she went to work. When she returned to her car, a man approached her saying he was stranded and could she help. She said she couldn't and continued to get into her car. He took hold of her door. She looked at him and told him to let go. Rudely, he did. She got in her vehicle and drove home.
When she told me this, my thought was of that quick prayer shot heavenward hours earlier. I was grateful the prayer was answered. I was grateful the Lord gave her a cool head. I was grateful for bands of angels that surrounded her at that moment.
As I lay in bed thanking the Lord, over and over, I realized that it isn't the words I pray, but my hearts attitude, which the Lord knows better than I do. He knew the days events before I did. He knew that Autumn would be in peril. He knew my mothers heart. And though my prayer was of the genetic brand, He heard my heart and He granted mercy and protection.
My desire is to walk and pray in a manner worth of my Saviour. I am grateful He knows this.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Morning Tete e Tete
The following are snippets of my time with the Lord this morning. I came with a heavy heart, I left rejoicing.
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee. Isaiah 26:3
"God is a tranquil Being, and abides in a tranquil eternity. So must thy spirit become a tranquil and clear little pool, wherein the serene light of God can be mirrored. Therefore shun all that is disquieting and distracting both within and without. Nothing in the whole world is worth the loss of thy peace; even the faults which thou hast committed should only humble, but not disquiet thee. God is full of joy, peace, and happiness. Endeavor then to obtain a continually joyful and peaceful spirit. Avoid all anxious care, vexation, murmuring, and melancholy, which darken thy soul, and render thee unfit for the friendship of God. If thou dost perceive such feelings arising, turn gently away from them." G. Tersteegen.
Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My Righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Need more be said?
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Comfort
I was perusing one of my favorite websites, MaryJane'sFarm, and was looking at the different posts that had been made. I posted on 3 different ones. All three had something to do with the loss of a loved one. I offered words of support and understanding, and when I was finished I found myself not feeling low, but strengthened. That seem odd to me. But then, I was reminded of these verses in II Corinthians.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our afflictions so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. II Cor. 1:3-5
I have felt and am feeling what they are. These are gals I have never met, probably never will. But the pain is the same. The emptiness, the feeling of the holidays approaching knowing that one will not be there. One gal lost her father this spring, another mentioned it had been 3 years since her mom had died. Time wasn't the factor, it was the void and the sorrow it brings. I wrote my words hoping to give some help, a bit of my own sorrow and comfort to ease their hurt.
It must have been my day to minister to others, something that I really haven't done in along time, because of my own grief. This morning at church as we were having our worship in song, one of the songs that we sang was one we had played at Dale's service. It is called I will rise, by Chris Tomlin. It is a good song, one that my girls and I have yet to hear on the radio during this year, and not shed a tear. Hearing it hit Autumn and I, I think more so her. As I pulled her close to me, the tears stung. I had no words. How do you comfort an 18 year old girl in the loss of her Papa? How do I hold her heart, to buffer the hurt? I can't. All I could do was hold her. It didn't seem like enough.
All I know is that God's word it true; His comfort is in abundance, and all I can hope is as I give comfort to others they will be strengthened, as I am.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZCk8pXozU4&channel=christomlinmusic
May you be strengthened, may you be comforted.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our afflictions so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. II Cor. 1:3-5
I have felt and am feeling what they are. These are gals I have never met, probably never will. But the pain is the same. The emptiness, the feeling of the holidays approaching knowing that one will not be there. One gal lost her father this spring, another mentioned it had been 3 years since her mom had died. Time wasn't the factor, it was the void and the sorrow it brings. I wrote my words hoping to give some help, a bit of my own sorrow and comfort to ease their hurt.
It must have been my day to minister to others, something that I really haven't done in along time, because of my own grief. This morning at church as we were having our worship in song, one of the songs that we sang was one we had played at Dale's service. It is called I will rise, by Chris Tomlin. It is a good song, one that my girls and I have yet to hear on the radio during this year, and not shed a tear. Hearing it hit Autumn and I, I think more so her. As I pulled her close to me, the tears stung. I had no words. How do you comfort an 18 year old girl in the loss of her Papa? How do I hold her heart, to buffer the hurt? I can't. All I could do was hold her. It didn't seem like enough.
All I know is that God's word it true; His comfort is in abundance, and all I can hope is as I give comfort to others they will be strengthened, as I am.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZCk8pXozU4&channel=christomlinmusic
May you be strengthened, may you be comforted.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Oasis
It has been a week since I have written. It is simply because of being consumed by life. I will not give a full diatribe on the past 7 day, but will say only this, renovation and city permits. I am sure you can fill in the blanks. On top of that I have been attempting to start an Etsy account and all I will say there is, Oi!
Being consumed with stress, decisions, endless streams of workman, and much emotion has left me a bit drained and raw. It has been so difficult doing all this without Dale's input, his being in charge, that it seems to have bought about a new stage of grief. I have been feeling much like I did in the first few months after his passing away. No desire to get out of bed in the morning, no desire to sleep at night. No energy, no desire to do anything. Void. Fatigued. And yes, even the d work. Depressed. Yet, I didn't have time for any of these things. The sun and moon rise and set, regardless how I feel. I have my daughter to take care of, a house to tend to, bills to pay... ad nauseum. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling so closed up. It makes me tired. I have been more emotional as a result. Perhaps too, the emotions are because the holidays approach. The one year mark is at my heels. The whirr of my brain fatigues me. I so want calm and peace.
Last night at Bible study, Ps 84 was read. It was refreshment to my very soul. A familiar Psalm. One I love and have read over and over again. Last night it came to me differently.
How blessed is the man whose strength is in Thee; In whose heart are the highways to Zion!
Passing through the valley of Baca, they make it a spring. The early rains also covers it with blessings. They go from strength to strength. Ps. 84: 5-7
It hit me like a lead pipe up-long side of the head. It is my responsibility to put my strength in the Lord. It is my responsibility to have the focus of my journey, heavenward. It is my responsibility that when I am walking in the valley of Baca, or valley of weeping, that I make it a spring, I find the joy, I seek the blessing. I am to go from strength to strength. Yes, I can do nothing apart from Christ, but I can do all things through Christ.
In the deserts there are natural oasis'. I have never seen one in person, but I understand that those who dwell in deserts, know where every oasis is. They know how to travel to each one because of those who had journeyed to them before. As they travel through the desert under hot scorching sun, they don't stop till they reach the next oasis. They take with them what they need between each oasis. They know how much food and water to take with them to survive the harsh trek. Once at the oasis, they stop and rest. They have reached the next way marker of the journey, and now they benefit from it. Fresh water. They wash the dust off, totally refreshing themselves, for they know the journey continues till they arrive home. They replenish water to their water bags and press on. They go from oasis to oasis, hope to hope, strength to strength.
That is exactly what I am to do, take what I need each day from the oasis's God gives me , so that I am ready for the next leg of the journey. Will life consume me. Will I be total crying basket case some days, yep! But, it is my heart and focus that will see me though those in between times in the desert. Notice the verse says, 'passing through the valley'. He doesn't leave us there, Jesus made the way in the wilderness. There is always an oasis. It is up to me to get there.
Being consumed with stress, decisions, endless streams of workman, and much emotion has left me a bit drained and raw. It has been so difficult doing all this without Dale's input, his being in charge, that it seems to have bought about a new stage of grief. I have been feeling much like I did in the first few months after his passing away. No desire to get out of bed in the morning, no desire to sleep at night. No energy, no desire to do anything. Void. Fatigued. And yes, even the d work. Depressed. Yet, I didn't have time for any of these things. The sun and moon rise and set, regardless how I feel. I have my daughter to take care of, a house to tend to, bills to pay... ad nauseum. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling so closed up. It makes me tired. I have been more emotional as a result. Perhaps too, the emotions are because the holidays approach. The one year mark is at my heels. The whirr of my brain fatigues me. I so want calm and peace.
Last night at Bible study, Ps 84 was read. It was refreshment to my very soul. A familiar Psalm. One I love and have read over and over again. Last night it came to me differently.
How blessed is the man whose strength is in Thee; In whose heart are the highways to Zion!
Passing through the valley of Baca, they make it a spring. The early rains also covers it with blessings. They go from strength to strength. Ps. 84: 5-7
It hit me like a lead pipe up-long side of the head. It is my responsibility to put my strength in the Lord. It is my responsibility to have the focus of my journey, heavenward. It is my responsibility that when I am walking in the valley of Baca, or valley of weeping, that I make it a spring, I find the joy, I seek the blessing. I am to go from strength to strength. Yes, I can do nothing apart from Christ, but I can do all things through Christ.
In the deserts there are natural oasis'. I have never seen one in person, but I understand that those who dwell in deserts, know where every oasis is. They know how to travel to each one because of those who had journeyed to them before. As they travel through the desert under hot scorching sun, they don't stop till they reach the next oasis. They take with them what they need between each oasis. They know how much food and water to take with them to survive the harsh trek. Once at the oasis, they stop and rest. They have reached the next way marker of the journey, and now they benefit from it. Fresh water. They wash the dust off, totally refreshing themselves, for they know the journey continues till they arrive home. They replenish water to their water bags and press on. They go from oasis to oasis, hope to hope, strength to strength.
That is exactly what I am to do, take what I need each day from the oasis's God gives me , so that I am ready for the next leg of the journey. Will life consume me. Will I be total crying basket case some days, yep! But, it is my heart and focus that will see me though those in between times in the desert. Notice the verse says, 'passing through the valley'. He doesn't leave us there, Jesus made the way in the wilderness. There is always an oasis. It is up to me to get there.
Friday, November 6, 2009
A Rainbow and Renovation
He will fulfill the desire of them that fear Him: He also will hear their cry, and will save them.
Ps 145.19. The verse for the day. And I would find myself crying out to the Lord. What's new?
I had to be up early this morning as the electrician, the day before, said he would be back between 7 and 7:30, before the inspector came. Around 9 the electrician showed up saying that the parts he needed weren't at the shop and he had to go to Olympia, 25 minutes away, to get what he needed. He did his task and left about 30 minutes later. I then waited for the inspector, who was coming to check their work, sign off on it, so that they could finish the job. I was to get a call this morning to tell me when the inspector was to come. I didn't get the call. So, I called. The voice on the other end told me he would give a quick call and find out. This was about 9am. At 12:30 I got a call saying the inspector had call 15 minutes ago and would be at my house between 12:30 and 1:30. Good grief! The inspector arrived with the head electrician, they did their bit and then the inspector asked to see my building permit. After I picked my jaw off the floor, said, I didn't know I needed one. He said that he couldn't sign off on the job till he saw it. I told him I had no clue if my contractor had gotten one or not. He said to call when I get it and he would be back. It's Friday afternoon, my contractor is out of town for the day, and I have other workman arriving first thing on Monday morning to do some work under the house. Now I have to coordinate getting them at their task and then heading to City Hall to buy a permit. I should have rented! Needless to say, when they left, I cried. I started to question whether or not I should have even started the task of renovating the attic, of trying to bring the house up to standard. This was too much. And yes, I questioned the Lord as to if He is now my Husband, is this the way a husband treats a wife?
A still small voice told me to go look at the verse I had read this morning. I didn't want to, but did. I read it. I sure didn't feel like the desire of my heart was being fulfilled, nor that my voice was being heard. I went grocery shopping and got home in time to see Autumn leaving for work. She had been gone all day, playing with Dame Judi, June, Wee Man and JW and Shutterbug. They had gone to a book sale and for lunch while I stayed home and got a headache. I gave her time to get to work and get settled, then I went to see her and have her make me a cappuccino. I asked how her day was, it was good. She asked how mine was and I unloaded on her. She gave me my coffee, and since she had another customer I told her I would see her at home. Home, that cute, little money pit I call home. As I walked outside I looked up to see big, stormy clouds. But one had a gap in it, sun was shining through and there was a hint of a rainbow. I smiled. I knew it meant that the Lord would never again destroy the world by flood, as He did in Noah's day, I told the Lord that I hoped it meant that there would be no more glitches with the renovation. Yet, I think He was just letting me know that His word promised that if I fear Him, He will give me the desire of my heart, He will hear my cry and He will save me. The desire of my heart? I just don't want to mess up with what He has called me to. I want to trust that He will lead and guide me and give me the wisdom I need to do what I am to do. I don't always know what that is, but I know that whatever it is, there will always be a rainbow to remind me of His promises.
PS Renovations of this magnitude, definitely requires a man to deal with it all. I need a massage!
Ps 145.19. The verse for the day. And I would find myself crying out to the Lord. What's new?
I had to be up early this morning as the electrician, the day before, said he would be back between 7 and 7:30, before the inspector came. Around 9 the electrician showed up saying that the parts he needed weren't at the shop and he had to go to Olympia, 25 minutes away, to get what he needed. He did his task and left about 30 minutes later. I then waited for the inspector, who was coming to check their work, sign off on it, so that they could finish the job. I was to get a call this morning to tell me when the inspector was to come. I didn't get the call. So, I called. The voice on the other end told me he would give a quick call and find out. This was about 9am. At 12:30 I got a call saying the inspector had call 15 minutes ago and would be at my house between 12:30 and 1:30. Good grief! The inspector arrived with the head electrician, they did their bit and then the inspector asked to see my building permit. After I picked my jaw off the floor, said, I didn't know I needed one. He said that he couldn't sign off on the job till he saw it. I told him I had no clue if my contractor had gotten one or not. He said to call when I get it and he would be back. It's Friday afternoon, my contractor is out of town for the day, and I have other workman arriving first thing on Monday morning to do some work under the house. Now I have to coordinate getting them at their task and then heading to City Hall to buy a permit. I should have rented! Needless to say, when they left, I cried. I started to question whether or not I should have even started the task of renovating the attic, of trying to bring the house up to standard. This was too much. And yes, I questioned the Lord as to if He is now my Husband, is this the way a husband treats a wife?
A still small voice told me to go look at the verse I had read this morning. I didn't want to, but did. I read it. I sure didn't feel like the desire of my heart was being fulfilled, nor that my voice was being heard. I went grocery shopping and got home in time to see Autumn leaving for work. She had been gone all day, playing with Dame Judi, June, Wee Man and JW and Shutterbug. They had gone to a book sale and for lunch while I stayed home and got a headache. I gave her time to get to work and get settled, then I went to see her and have her make me a cappuccino. I asked how her day was, it was good. She asked how mine was and I unloaded on her. She gave me my coffee, and since she had another customer I told her I would see her at home. Home, that cute, little money pit I call home. As I walked outside I looked up to see big, stormy clouds. But one had a gap in it, sun was shining through and there was a hint of a rainbow. I smiled. I knew it meant that the Lord would never again destroy the world by flood, as He did in Noah's day, I told the Lord that I hoped it meant that there would be no more glitches with the renovation. Yet, I think He was just letting me know that His word promised that if I fear Him, He will give me the desire of my heart, He will hear my cry and He will save me. The desire of my heart? I just don't want to mess up with what He has called me to. I want to trust that He will lead and guide me and give me the wisdom I need to do what I am to do. I don't always know what that is, but I know that whatever it is, there will always be a rainbow to remind me of His promises.
PS Renovations of this magnitude, definitely requires a man to deal with it all. I need a massage!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Even this
Another day with workman in the attic, so I got up, and got myself ready for their arrival. As I was having my devotions one verse stuck in my head, 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.' I read it over and over. I then asked the Lord to give me His strength for the day. Then I notice, written above the verse in small, red script, the words, 'even this'. I don't know when I wrote that or why, but just reading those two small words gave me a comfort and a strength. I can do all things, even this, paying bills, and balancing the checkbook, making phones call to clear up a car title problem, electricians not showing up as they said, doing administrative tasks to get my new venture up and running. The daily grinned of life often times needs huge amounts of God's strength.
As the whirrs and bangs of the workman thundered above, I found myself frustrated at delays, glitches and no show electricians, wondering if I should have never started the renovation. But quickly, I would be given a bit of heavenly strength to do the next thing. It would be what it would be and no amount of fuming or hissing from me would change that.
I sit now after a day at the computer making business decisions, which make my head spin, and I am not stressed, but feel good that so much was accomplished. I know it is nothing in myself, !didn't want to get out of bed this morning, so how could I take credit. I know that the strength that got me through, past the dust and noise, the paper pushing, the cranky people on the phone, came from the Lord, simply because I gave Him the day.
The Lord gave a glorious sunset tonight. I had to take a picture, though I know it doesn't do creation justice. It is a personal reminder to me that God is in His heaven and all is well. I can do what needs to be done, because He loves me. Even this. Whatever it is, I have God's strength waiting on the fringe, all I need to do is ask.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Shades of grey
Did you know that depending on lighting conditions, there are approximately 100 shades of grey vi sable to the human eye? That is amazing to me. It made me think of two verses I have come to appreciate in a new way.
'In this, you greatly rejoice, ( the fact that we have an imperishable and undefiled inheritance)
even though now for a little while if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.'
I Peter 1:6,7 -various trials-
Then over in chapter 4 of the same book, though the verses are speaking of using our gifts to serve each other, the last part of the verse refers to the manifold grace of God.
Various and manifold mean the same thing. ' Various in character, variegated'. It makes me think of variegated yarn or embroidery floss, one color shading into the next to where it is difficult to see where one color ends and the other begins. What am I driving at? To me it says that there is a specific aspect of God's grace to match the trial I am in. I don't know how theologically sound that is but it brings me comfort.
It also makes me realize how we all live with various shades of grey, we all have our own trials, ordained by the God who loves us. The trials are not the same, yet they cut deep into our souls as we go through them. Our own sacred fires.
I once was sharing my heart with a friend, over the phone, of a difficulty Dale and I were going through. Circumstances and situations where not what we wanted. Life was tough. In mid sentence I stopped myself as I remembered her husband was dying of cancer. I quickly apologized as our trial was so insignificant compared to what they were dealing with. She said something I have never forgotten. She said, our trials were no different in that the result was to be the same, becoming more like Jesus, it was just that the Lord has chosen a specific trial for each of us to accomplish the goal.
It is easy for me to get consumed by my own grief and be blind to the fact that others suffer too, just in different ways. It may be lack of finances due to the economic situation. It may be a rebellious child, and unbelieving husband, or a believing husband who is being drawn away from the truth of God's word. Divorce, illness, false accusation, hardship of any kind. Shades of grey.
Shades of grief, of hurt, of loneliness. It is differently the same. Yet, the Grace of God matches the trials we encounter. He will give what is needed to get us through. There will be days, weeks, even years, where it may not feel like it. But it is there, it is His promise.
I have no quick fix, no new truth or principle to make it all better. If I did, I would not feel the way I feel at times. But this I know, that, 'after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you in to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.' I Peter :10. He will do this in the ugliest of situation, if I humble myself, accepting the trial from His hand, casting it all on Him, He will lift me up at the right time.
Shades of grey. Shades of Grace.
'In this, you greatly rejoice, ( the fact that we have an imperishable and undefiled inheritance)
even though now for a little while if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.'
I Peter 1:6,7 -various trials-
Then over in chapter 4 of the same book, though the verses are speaking of using our gifts to serve each other, the last part of the verse refers to the manifold grace of God.
Various and manifold mean the same thing. ' Various in character, variegated'. It makes me think of variegated yarn or embroidery floss, one color shading into the next to where it is difficult to see where one color ends and the other begins. What am I driving at? To me it says that there is a specific aspect of God's grace to match the trial I am in. I don't know how theologically sound that is but it brings me comfort.
It also makes me realize how we all live with various shades of grey, we all have our own trials, ordained by the God who loves us. The trials are not the same, yet they cut deep into our souls as we go through them. Our own sacred fires.
I once was sharing my heart with a friend, over the phone, of a difficulty Dale and I were going through. Circumstances and situations where not what we wanted. Life was tough. In mid sentence I stopped myself as I remembered her husband was dying of cancer. I quickly apologized as our trial was so insignificant compared to what they were dealing with. She said something I have never forgotten. She said, our trials were no different in that the result was to be the same, becoming more like Jesus, it was just that the Lord has chosen a specific trial for each of us to accomplish the goal.
It is easy for me to get consumed by my own grief and be blind to the fact that others suffer too, just in different ways. It may be lack of finances due to the economic situation. It may be a rebellious child, and unbelieving husband, or a believing husband who is being drawn away from the truth of God's word. Divorce, illness, false accusation, hardship of any kind. Shades of grey.
Shades of grief, of hurt, of loneliness. It is differently the same. Yet, the Grace of God matches the trials we encounter. He will give what is needed to get us through. There will be days, weeks, even years, where it may not feel like it. But it is there, it is His promise.
I have no quick fix, no new truth or principle to make it all better. If I did, I would not feel the way I feel at times. But this I know, that, 'after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you in to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.' I Peter :10. He will do this in the ugliest of situation, if I humble myself, accepting the trial from His hand, casting it all on Him, He will lift me up at the right time.
Shades of grey. Shades of Grace.
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