We all have one in our lives, that one person, friend, family member, co-worker, or acquaintance, who feel it is their lot in life to always put you down. They seem to rarely have a kind word. It is of course always done with an insincere smile on their face, so as to appear to be a nice person. Yet, what comes out of their mouth is rude, sarcastic, insensitive, and makes you feel small. This is by the way, their goal. The purpose is to either make themselves feel better about themselves, or they are just plain mean. They seem to think that others will approve of their behavior and be impressed by it. I have never understood that. Why would others think cutting, unkind words to be a character quality to achieve to?
That being said, why is it those are the things we so readily remember? Why are those the words we hear in the back of our minds? I don't have the greatest of memories, but I can remember unkind words, words of discouragement far easier than words said to encourage and strengthen me. It is these words that have been floating around my head lately in my recent creative endeavour. There has been no peace, but plenty of fear and doubt. I have had many encourage me, but I have let the demeaning, and hurtful words of the past rule my mind. As I mentioned about the condition of my memory, there is really no room for these things.
How do I counter these haunting ghosts of despair? I think of Philippians 4: 8;
"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things."
I have always been horrible about memorizing scripture, partly out of lack of discipline, but I believe I really need to work on it so that there is only room for good and right thoughts. So, when that self appointed nay-sayer spews forth their poison, I can simply smile to their face, knowing there is no room for their words to linger. Perhaps, by them not seeing me dissolve in front of them, they may learn that, 'no unwholesome word' should come out of their mouth, but only 'what is good for edification'.
New Years resolution? I don't know. I think it is just a change I need to make in my life. To not let others words consume me, but to also be careful that my words are of gentleness, kindness and love. Remember Thumpers rule?
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Beginnings...
This morning I drove north to the salon where July works, so that she could do my hair. As I was driving, sun shining, I thought this would be a good day to go to Steilacoom, the place it all started, our courtship, our first home. I got a bit emotional, something one should not do while driving on the interstate, but the tears came nonetheless.
An hour and half later, I came to the exit, my stomach went cold. As I began to drive a stretch of roadway, I had driven hundreds of times, I knew at once, I wasn't going home, everything was so different. Where once there was just an open field, now stood office complexes and subdivisions. I passed part of Ft. Lewis, ahh... that was all the same, old barracks from WWII, the shooting range, Solo Point, made me smile to remember being at those places with Dale. It was the road we drove in the wee hours of the morning when I was in labor with June. I turned up Sequalish road, to look for those familiar homes...the little mother-in-law apartment we first lived in, where I got my first kiss the day after we were engaged, my parents old home, where we courted. Only one house stood between Dale's apartment and my parents home. He only had to walk up the gravel easement to come and see me. After we married my mom and I could wave out out kitchen windows at each other.
Across the street from the little apartment is the flag pole under which Dale asked if he could write to me while he was in CA for training. That was the beginning of our courtship, letters, no email, no cell phones. I drove down the hill to main street thinking of Dale as he would give Louis, his bike and newspapers a push up the hill. As I turned onto the main street, I was reminded again of how much had changed. I parked the car and started to walk. I stopped at Bairs Drug Store and Soda Fountain. It was locked. It now is only a landmark. I peered through the door window, remembering, and glad that I have a coffee mug with its logo on it, bought so many years ago. I walked a bit further, it was all so surreal, like being someplace for the first time. I then walked down to the Dock. The old dock launch which once had a cafe, an old run down cafe, where mom and I would walk to have breakfast, long since gone. I went out to the pier. McNeil Island, Narrows Bridge, Gig Harbor, familiar sights of visions now tucked away.
The most important spot I wanted to see was the railroad tracks. This is where it truly all began. A young army soldier, out for a run, the railroad tracks being his favorite place to go. As he feet pounded away, running next to the sound, he prayed, he prayed for me. He prayed the Lord would bring him a wife, he didn't want to be alone anymore. As he prayed on those tracks, next to that water, I was in Oregon, pounding the sands of the coast praying that the Lord would bring me a husband. We would later walk those tracks often thankful the Lord had heard our prayers.
As I walked back to the car I somehow felt a completeness, there was change in this place, there was change in my life, I was done here. There was no joy, no sadness, just a realization of a moving forward, a letting go, not of Dale, or the memories, but something. Whatever it was, it felt right, needed. Maybe it was a permission to move on, that things really will be okay. The beginning...the completion. Dale always did say, a thing finished is better than a thing begun. Better? Well, at least different.
An hour and half later, I came to the exit, my stomach went cold. As I began to drive a stretch of roadway, I had driven hundreds of times, I knew at once, I wasn't going home, everything was so different. Where once there was just an open field, now stood office complexes and subdivisions. I passed part of Ft. Lewis, ahh... that was all the same, old barracks from WWII, the shooting range, Solo Point, made me smile to remember being at those places with Dale. It was the road we drove in the wee hours of the morning when I was in labor with June. I turned up Sequalish road, to look for those familiar homes...the little mother-in-law apartment we first lived in, where I got my first kiss the day after we were engaged, my parents old home, where we courted. Only one house stood between Dale's apartment and my parents home. He only had to walk up the gravel easement to come and see me. After we married my mom and I could wave out out kitchen windows at each other.
Across the street from the little apartment is the flag pole under which Dale asked if he could write to me while he was in CA for training. That was the beginning of our courtship, letters, no email, no cell phones. I drove down the hill to main street thinking of Dale as he would give Louis, his bike and newspapers a push up the hill. As I turned onto the main street, I was reminded again of how much had changed. I parked the car and started to walk. I stopped at Bairs Drug Store and Soda Fountain. It was locked. It now is only a landmark. I peered through the door window, remembering, and glad that I have a coffee mug with its logo on it, bought so many years ago. I walked a bit further, it was all so surreal, like being someplace for the first time. I then walked down to the Dock. The old dock launch which once had a cafe, an old run down cafe, where mom and I would walk to have breakfast, long since gone. I went out to the pier. McNeil Island, Narrows Bridge, Gig Harbor, familiar sights of visions now tucked away.
The most important spot I wanted to see was the railroad tracks. This is where it truly all began. A young army soldier, out for a run, the railroad tracks being his favorite place to go. As he feet pounded away, running next to the sound, he prayed, he prayed for me. He prayed the Lord would bring him a wife, he didn't want to be alone anymore. As he prayed on those tracks, next to that water, I was in Oregon, pounding the sands of the coast praying that the Lord would bring me a husband. We would later walk those tracks often thankful the Lord had heard our prayers.
As I walked back to the car I somehow felt a completeness, there was change in this place, there was change in my life, I was done here. There was no joy, no sadness, just a realization of a moving forward, a letting go, not of Dale, or the memories, but something. Whatever it was, it felt right, needed. Maybe it was a permission to move on, that things really will be okay. The beginning...the completion. Dale always did say, a thing finished is better than a thing begun. Better? Well, at least different.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Sabbath Rest
" Grant to me above all things that can be desired, to rest in Thee, and in Thee to have my heart at peace. Thou art the true peace of the heart, Thou its only rest; out of Thee all things are hard and restless. In this very peace, that is Thee, the One Chiefest Eternal Good, I will sleep and rest. Amen." Thomas 'A Kempis
'Today, beneath Thy chastening eye,
I crave alone for peace and rest;
Submissive in Thy hand to lie,
And feel that it is best.' J. G. Whittier
"O Lord, who art as the Shadow of a great Rock in a weary land, who beholdest Thy weak creatures, weary of labor, weary of pleasure, weary of hope deferred, weary of self; in Thine abundant compassion, and unutterable tenderness, bring us, I pray Thee, unto Thy rest. Amen" Christina Rossetti
3 of my favorite writers, all now experiencing the ultimate of Christ's Sabbath Rest. Today, I am experiencing that earthly sabbath rest given to us each week. A day set aside to worship the Lord, to be still and know that He is God. A quiet afternoon, with a fire on the hearth, a pot of tea and a favorite Christmas movie. A day not to work, not to rehash a week that was both hard and good, but a day just to know peace and rest. I love the gentleness of Sunday, to have permission, really to obey the command of the Lord to worship and rest. How incredible is that! To give Him praise that one week is behind us, taking us that much closer to His eternal Sabbath, to look with anticipation at a new week as to what the Lord has in store.
This week, a remembrance of His glorious, timely birth, may we be mindful of Him leaving His rest, to come as a babe in a sinful, restless world, for you and me, that by one simple act of faith, we might know His Sabbath Rest.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Once again...
the Lord is patient with me and has shown His gentle love and faithfulness. Since my last post, my devotions, things I have read, books, blogs...have all spoken on some aspect of peace. I think I get it now. I felt better about things even after I last wrote, I guess it's that whole, get it off your chest thing. I did, and it worked.
I love how the Lord works, how people who don't know what is going on in your head, even the writings of those long past, have something to say that is needed at that very moment. How could I ever doubt such mercy from the Lord. Like you, I am human. I have my pity, poor me parties like everyone else. But when will I learn how pointless they are? When will I learn just to be still and know that He truly is God?
So, I get back on the trodden path again, the one that I should never have strayed from to begin with. Ah, those faithful footprints. I am at peace, all is well.
I love how the Lord works, how people who don't know what is going on in your head, even the writings of those long past, have something to say that is needed at that very moment. How could I ever doubt such mercy from the Lord. Like you, I am human. I have my pity, poor me parties like everyone else. But when will I learn how pointless they are? When will I learn just to be still and know that He truly is God?
So, I get back on the trodden path again, the one that I should never have strayed from to begin with. Ah, those faithful footprints. I am at peace, all is well.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Prince of Peace
Peace. Just the sound of the of the word is peaceful. I am one who likes peace and quiet. I like the song of birds, the rain as it falls, the crackle of a fire on the hearth, the purr of our kitten, the gentle sound of my grandson breathing as he lay on my chest sleeping. I am not one that likes being where there is a cacophony of noises, it easily overwhelms me. I would much rather lay under a tree and hear the leaves rustle in the wind.
But peace, as a character quality, has much eluded me this past year, mostly about what my future holds, how I will earn an income, what I will do for the rest of my life. I know in my heart of hearts, that the Lord all ready has things figured out and will tell me in due time, but in the mean while, I often find myself whelmed by the cacophony of my own heart and mind. How, what, when...how I long for a peaceful heart.
"Thou will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee." I love that verse, I try to keep my mind on the things of Christ, I'm not fretful there, yet as the year comes to a close, and I know I must start earning a living, Oi! here comes that flood of questions!
Today was the one year mark of Dale's passing. It was a gentle day, for which I was grateful. Dale was a wonderful provider for our family, whether in ministry or secular work, we never missed a payment on anything, we may not have had everything we wanted, but we never went without. He was good with our money, he always took care of the bank book, all the family 'business'. I never had to worry about any of that. I think that is why I am having such a hard time with having to be the bread winner. I was well cared for, I didn't have to work, I was able to be home where I wanted to be. This is all changing. I have no choice. It scares me. I have no peace. I desperately want it.
Christ is the Prince of Peace. What all that entells, I really don't know. I do know that as we dealt with Dale's cancer, with his dying, God gave us abundant peace through it all. It was truly amazing to see how the Lord got us through such a horrible time. His peace, made it seem less horrible. But I had Dale, we went through it together, he was tangible, he could hold me, I could hear his voice. I don't have that anymore. I am on my own, in a sense.
What's my point? I'm not sure. I lack peace. Christ is the peace giver. I know this, I have experienced it. Is it any different for me now? I don't think so? So, what do I do? I continue to trust in a Holy Saviour, who loves me without partiality, who left the perfect peace of Heaven to come to the earth, which was not peaceful, so that He could go to the cross for me. The battle has been won. From Heavens perspective, there is peace, abundant peace. It is mine for the asking...for the trusting.
Tomorrow is a new year. No, it is not 2010, but it is a new year for me, another without Dale by my side. I have no idea what the Lord has for me. That is really not important. i don't have to know, yet. I do know He has already prepared the way for me, which is why I should be at peace, but more importantly, He is preparing me for what He has already set in motion. So, why should I not have peace? He loves me, He is my Prince of Peace.
But peace, as a character quality, has much eluded me this past year, mostly about what my future holds, how I will earn an income, what I will do for the rest of my life. I know in my heart of hearts, that the Lord all ready has things figured out and will tell me in due time, but in the mean while, I often find myself whelmed by the cacophony of my own heart and mind. How, what, when...how I long for a peaceful heart.
"Thou will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee." I love that verse, I try to keep my mind on the things of Christ, I'm not fretful there, yet as the year comes to a close, and I know I must start earning a living, Oi! here comes that flood of questions!
Today was the one year mark of Dale's passing. It was a gentle day, for which I was grateful. Dale was a wonderful provider for our family, whether in ministry or secular work, we never missed a payment on anything, we may not have had everything we wanted, but we never went without. He was good with our money, he always took care of the bank book, all the family 'business'. I never had to worry about any of that. I think that is why I am having such a hard time with having to be the bread winner. I was well cared for, I didn't have to work, I was able to be home where I wanted to be. This is all changing. I have no choice. It scares me. I have no peace. I desperately want it.
Christ is the Prince of Peace. What all that entells, I really don't know. I do know that as we dealt with Dale's cancer, with his dying, God gave us abundant peace through it all. It was truly amazing to see how the Lord got us through such a horrible time. His peace, made it seem less horrible. But I had Dale, we went through it together, he was tangible, he could hold me, I could hear his voice. I don't have that anymore. I am on my own, in a sense.
What's my point? I'm not sure. I lack peace. Christ is the peace giver. I know this, I have experienced it. Is it any different for me now? I don't think so? So, what do I do? I continue to trust in a Holy Saviour, who loves me without partiality, who left the perfect peace of Heaven to come to the earth, which was not peaceful, so that He could go to the cross for me. The battle has been won. From Heavens perspective, there is peace, abundant peace. It is mine for the asking...for the trusting.
Tomorrow is a new year. No, it is not 2010, but it is a new year for me, another without Dale by my side. I have no idea what the Lord has for me. That is really not important. i don't have to know, yet. I do know He has already prepared the way for me, which is why I should be at peace, but more importantly, He is preparing me for what He has already set in motion. So, why should I not have peace? He loves me, He is my Prince of Peace.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Eternal Father
This year, I have constantly seen the hand of my Heavenly Father meeting my needs, and the needs of my girls. Even at times that have been the bleakest, and I have wondered where He is, my heart of hearts knows, He is always with me, always present. It is just that sometimes, He is that still small voice, and I don't always have the ears to hear. There have been days I have been so consumed with me that I can't see or hear anything or anyone. Yet, He will never leave me or forsake me.
The word eternal in the Hebrew means- perpetually, all, continually. A cross definition was to pass on or advance. Hmm, like a trodden path. My Heavenly Father as always been, always will be. My pea brain can't wrap itself around that one. He has forged the way for me, long before I existed. Christ became flesh, '...to be made like His brethren in all things, that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest...to make propitiation for the sins of the people...to come to the aid of those who are tempted.' (Heb.2.17,18) For me. He loves me this much. God gave up His Son for me. Christ gave up His glory to suffer as a man for me. Amazing.
I think of my girls losing their earthly Papa. No longer tangible, no longer here to give counsel, to hold, to laugh with. This hurts my heart, and I can do nothing to fix it, I can't fill the void. But they have an Eternal Father, who has gone before them, trodden their paths. He knew their Papa would leave them early in their lives, He knew they would have a void to fill. He will fill that void as only He can. My girls will have a different relationship with our Eternal Father than I will have, I can only imagine the great heights He will take them, He will be their Daddy in ways their own papa could never have been. It may be a long hard fought relationship, or one they fall softly into like a down comforter. This is not something I can do for them. All I can do is continually pray for their hearts.
God is my Eternal Father, the one I go to for everything now, my relationship with Him has changed, but not like it will for my girls. I want them to know He will always be there for them. He will never leave them or forsake them. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. I want them to know Him. I want them to know no matter how difficult things get that He is a Father to the fatherless. I want them to know that 'The Eternal Father is your dwelling place and refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.' (Deut. 33.27)
The word eternal in the Hebrew means- perpetually, all, continually. A cross definition was to pass on or advance. Hmm, like a trodden path. My Heavenly Father as always been, always will be. My pea brain can't wrap itself around that one. He has forged the way for me, long before I existed. Christ became flesh, '...to be made like His brethren in all things, that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest...to make propitiation for the sins of the people...to come to the aid of those who are tempted.' (Heb.2.17,18) For me. He loves me this much. God gave up His Son for me. Christ gave up His glory to suffer as a man for me. Amazing.
I think of my girls losing their earthly Papa. No longer tangible, no longer here to give counsel, to hold, to laugh with. This hurts my heart, and I can do nothing to fix it, I can't fill the void. But they have an Eternal Father, who has gone before them, trodden their paths. He knew their Papa would leave them early in their lives, He knew they would have a void to fill. He will fill that void as only He can. My girls will have a different relationship with our Eternal Father than I will have, I can only imagine the great heights He will take them, He will be their Daddy in ways their own papa could never have been. It may be a long hard fought relationship, or one they fall softly into like a down comforter. This is not something I can do for them. All I can do is continually pray for their hearts.
God is my Eternal Father, the one I go to for everything now, my relationship with Him has changed, but not like it will for my girls. I want them to know He will always be there for them. He will never leave them or forsake them. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. I want them to know Him. I want them to know no matter how difficult things get that He is a Father to the fatherless. I want them to know that 'The Eternal Father is your dwelling place and refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.' (Deut. 33.27)
Friday, December 4, 2009
Mighty God
This title of Christ has swirled around my head as I have tried to see how it has played out in my life this year. I looked up some cross references in my bible and found this:
Deut. 10: 17- "For the Lord your God is a God of gods and the Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God who does not show partiality, nor take a bribe." And then I read the next verse. "He executes justice for the orphan and the widow and shows His love for the alien by giving him food and clothing." Hmm. What an interesting progression. And then I looked up mighty in the concordance to better understand its meaning.
Mighty- Strong, mighty, champion, hero. Bingo!!!
Understandably, God is the God of gods and Lord of lords, He is a God of justice to all. We were all 'aliens' at some point before coming to Christ as Saviour. But for me how so much more personal they have become.
Christ has been my champion this year. He has gone to bat for me, He has made a way when I thought there was no way. He has become my King in shining armour.
Christ has met my needs financially, in unexpected ways, simply by having my taxes done last year by a CPA, who was able to recoup money for me both from the federal and state taxes. He lead me to a wonderful, christian realtor, who prayed with me about finding a house, and who looked out for me, being sensitive and astute to my needs. He has provided wood and kindling, friends and family to help with the care and maintenance of my home, a sister who has helped me to laugh again. He has been my Champion, my Hero, but isn't that what a husband is to be.
Mighty, Great, Awesome, Impartial, Just, Loving, a girl couldn't ask for more.
Deut. 10: 17- "For the Lord your God is a God of gods and the Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God who does not show partiality, nor take a bribe." And then I read the next verse. "He executes justice for the orphan and the widow and shows His love for the alien by giving him food and clothing." Hmm. What an interesting progression. And then I looked up mighty in the concordance to better understand its meaning.
Mighty- Strong, mighty, champion, hero. Bingo!!!
Understandably, God is the God of gods and Lord of lords, He is a God of justice to all. We were all 'aliens' at some point before coming to Christ as Saviour. But for me how so much more personal they have become.
Christ has been my champion this year. He has gone to bat for me, He has made a way when I thought there was no way. He has become my King in shining armour.
Christ has met my needs financially, in unexpected ways, simply by having my taxes done last year by a CPA, who was able to recoup money for me both from the federal and state taxes. He lead me to a wonderful, christian realtor, who prayed with me about finding a house, and who looked out for me, being sensitive and astute to my needs. He has provided wood and kindling, friends and family to help with the care and maintenance of my home, a sister who has helped me to laugh again. He has been my Champion, my Hero, but isn't that what a husband is to be.
Mighty, Great, Awesome, Impartial, Just, Loving, a girl couldn't ask for more.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Wonderful Counselor
As I was starting my advent reading for the season, I was really struck by Is. 9:6.
How many times have I read or heard this verse read?
"For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; and the government will be on His shoulders; and His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace."
As I read it I thought about what those 4 titles of Christ mean to me personally. How has He been these to me. So, that is my quest this advent season to make these real, to look at what Christ has done for me this past year.
Wonderful Counselor.
Last night, as I lay my head down, I began to struggle with a some things, frustrated about lack of growth in my life, where I fit in, why my brain seems so dull, blah, blah, blah. I ask for His help, direction and guidance. I want to do well. As I sat to have my devotions this morning, my Wonderful Counselor showed Himself once again.
"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13 Wonderful! What a gentle reminder to this dull minded girl. He will fill me with joy and peace, simply because I believe in Him, that I can abound in hope because the Holy Spirit dwells in me. I will say it again, Wonderful!
Then as I began to read Colossians 1, He reminded me that I am to walk worthy, to please Him in all respects, to bear fruit, to increase in knowledge, attain steadfastness and patience and to joyously give thanks. That is pretty clear direction and guidance, even if one has a dull mind. Counselor! I can do these things because of Christ work on the cross. Verses 12-14, tell me why. God qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. Saints gone before, those who have trodden the path and await to share with us our eternal hope and glory! Because of Christ's work on the cross, we have been delivered from darkness, transferred to the kingdom of Christ, and graciously, and mercifully, have redemption and forgiveness of sins. My Wonderful Counselor, did this for me. How can I do anything less than walk worthy of the Lord. I will fall, I will get stuck in a rut as I trod this path before me, but there will also be smooth plains, clearly marked trails and great vistas along the way. I can do this thing, because of His work, words and hope. He is a Wonderful Counselor.
How many times have I read or heard this verse read?
"For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; and the government will be on His shoulders; and His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace."
As I read it I thought about what those 4 titles of Christ mean to me personally. How has He been these to me. So, that is my quest this advent season to make these real, to look at what Christ has done for me this past year.
Wonderful Counselor.
Last night, as I lay my head down, I began to struggle with a some things, frustrated about lack of growth in my life, where I fit in, why my brain seems so dull, blah, blah, blah. I ask for His help, direction and guidance. I want to do well. As I sat to have my devotions this morning, my Wonderful Counselor showed Himself once again.
"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13 Wonderful! What a gentle reminder to this dull minded girl. He will fill me with joy and peace, simply because I believe in Him, that I can abound in hope because the Holy Spirit dwells in me. I will say it again, Wonderful!
Then as I began to read Colossians 1, He reminded me that I am to walk worthy, to please Him in all respects, to bear fruit, to increase in knowledge, attain steadfastness and patience and to joyously give thanks. That is pretty clear direction and guidance, even if one has a dull mind. Counselor! I can do these things because of Christ work on the cross. Verses 12-14, tell me why. God qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. Saints gone before, those who have trodden the path and await to share with us our eternal hope and glory! Because of Christ's work on the cross, we have been delivered from darkness, transferred to the kingdom of Christ, and graciously, and mercifully, have redemption and forgiveness of sins. My Wonderful Counselor, did this for me. How can I do anything less than walk worthy of the Lord. I will fall, I will get stuck in a rut as I trod this path before me, but there will also be smooth plains, clearly marked trails and great vistas along the way. I can do this thing, because of His work, words and hope. He is a Wonderful Counselor.
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