Asking in the Desert

Have you ever felt you were in a spiritual desert? That though you read your bible and pray, it all seems dry, and that the Lord is no where to be found? I have, a number of times, like now.

In the past I have wept, and begged to hear the Lord speak in my life, to feel His closeness, to feel growth in my life. Feeling lonely and abandoned, I drag my sword and find my armor in fragments, tattered and dented, my soul bruised and exhausted. I wondered what I had done wrong to deserve such silence from my God. In time, after much beating on the gates of heaven, flickers of light can be seen, and closeness and growth are restored.

It has been different this time. I feel alone, sensing God's silence, yet knowing He is close by. I am never forsaken. I feel a dryness in my time in the word, yet long to be in it. I have wondered at why I have not felt deserted, and ignored as in the past, why I haven't shed as many tears and lay in the dust as before.. The only thing I can figure is in the past 18 months, I have experienced such a closeness to Him, seeing His amazing faithfulness, learning how He is not just my Lord and Saviour, but now my Husband and Provider. I read His word, still wishing to hear His voice, but I have no fear that I won't hear Him, I know I will. I know this is a time of testing, of leaning, of trusting. It is never easy, I do look forward to it being over, but I know it will come to an end, and a new sense of worship will take place.

Just recently I read this prayer: 'God, there are times when I feel that You will not talk to me, to explain to me why I feel a certain way or why a certain thing has happened. Lord, help me to keep asking, to keep opening my heart to you and asking you to shape it.'
(Richard Foster)

So, I keep asking, keeping my heart open, waiting for that still small voice. It will come.