A Soul into Blossom

What a whirlwind life has been. A few days after Emily and Evan left for California, I went on a mini vacation with my folks. We had a great time, lots of laughing, visiting favorite haunts. A few days after we got home, I headed north to spend time with Grace and Matthew. They wanted me to do a tea presentation and to stay a few days. It was lovely. It was well needed, as we did a lot of, well, nothing. As I left their home, I felt refreshed, till the closer I got to my home, realizing, no one would be there to greet me. I started to cry, which happens often in the car, though not the best place to get emotional.


I have so many major changes in my life in the past 2 1/2 years, all of them difficult in their own right; Dale getting cancer, his death, no longer being a wife, no longer having my best friend and confidant, selling my home, moving to a new town, buying a home on my own, deciding on a starting my own business, Emily marrying (okay, so that was joyful), and leaving home, an empty nest, empty arms. Just writing all that could depress the best of us.


"Take the very hardest thing in your life-the place of difficulty, outward or inward, and expect God to triumph gloriously in the very spot. Just there He can bring your soul into blossom." Lilias Trotter- Parables of the Cross


I am ready a biography of Lilas Trotter. She was a woman, born in 1853, in England, and as a young woman gave up her home and her great talent of painting, to got to Algeria to reach the Muslims with the gospel, which she did for 40 years. When she was 12, her father, whom she was very close to, died. At that very early age it is said that her faith in the Lord deepened greatly, a spiritual maturity seen far beyond her years. 'She had been raised in a family of faith, instructed in biblical stories and precepts. She had witnessed Christianity expressed in the lives of her parents. But here and now, in her "place of difficulty", the precepts would be put to the test."

In the past 2 1/2 years, my continual 'place of difficulty', what I have been taught over the years, what I have learned, has been put to the test. The character of God is different to me, I see things differently, mercy and grace have taken on a new meaning. I have not learned some new spiritual truths, I do believe, that anyone who has gone through a deep grief would understand, you just can see past things that once were important, as now rubbish and unnecessary in the scheme of things. I have seen aspects of God, I never really understood, it wasn't time for me to understand them. I have been brought into this place for a reason. The things I have learned, had to be learned in this way, with these circumstances.

Perhaps, I am rambling and making no sense. What I know is this, the foundation of my faith has been proved to me by the Lord in my circumstance. My life is totally different than what I ever thought it would be. I am different. I am longing to not feel so battered and bruised. When your heart is left torn and bleeding, it takes awhile to heal. I want to walk well, I want to not shame my heavenly Father. I want to be an example to my kids of the faithfulness of our Lord. I want my empty home to be full of joy.


As this very new, this sometimes, overwhelming, new chapter starts to play out, I am excited to see what the Lord will do. My hope, my desire is that this will all bring my 'soul in to blossom', I want to see God triumph in this very spot.