New discovery

It just dawned on me, literally, when faced with something overwhelming, I retreat, procrastinate. This discovery has actually made me feel a bit lighter in spirit. I am thrilled! I just thought there was something wrong with me, fearful even of depression.

As I have gotten closer to having my business really up and running, I have found that things I need to get done, like yesterday, I put off, ignore, as if it will all go away. It doesn't, it just grows more overwhelming and ominous. Why do I do this? I don't know. Wish I did, cause it sure would make things easier. Why have I never realized this before? This I think I can answer. I got things done, overwhelming or not, because I had people to take care of, a reason, a purpose to motivate me. I didn't have time to be overwhelmed. With Dale gone, and the girls now all living their own lives, independent of me, my motivation is gone. One would think that paying the bills would be motivation enough, but its not. I did what needed to be done, because others needed me too. No one 'needs' me anymore. I don't say that to sound wimpy and pathetic, but as a true-ism.

The answer? The purpose, motivation? I don't know, maybe there isn't one anymore. Maybe its just doing, because it needs to be done. I am grateful to know now what it is that has been plaguing me, it will help to continue to move forward in what needs to be done each day. So, I guess I'll go to post office and get this tea order shipped.