You can find me here...

www.iglitteredthecat.blogspot.com

The time has come...

to say good-bye. I have felt for sometime that I should come away from this blog, that it has lost its initial intent and heart. I think in some ways I have stopped writing for myself, and have tried to write too much for others, and in doing so the writing has been forced, and pedestrian.

This has been a good exercise for me, and I do hope in some small way it has encouraged and blessed you. Thank you for your readership, and for those of you who left comments from time to time, they encouraged me and gave me the desire to continue to write.

May you be truly blessed this day. Julia

Whirlpool

Grief is a strange thing. There really are no manuals on how to grief, what it will be like, how you should experience it. Yes, there are a lot of books, some written from their own experience, others written very clinically, by some who have a knowledge, but not the experience. It is in the later books, you are told the stages you will go through and how to get through each one with the end result of overcoming your grief. It is these books that should be put in boxes and stored in some dark basement. I have not found them to be helpful, only frustrating and perplexing. I have not grieved by clinical standards. Those I have spoken to, who have lost spouses, have said the same thing. Grief does not have stages, to go through and then get over. I actually had a friend tell me that 'after a year, you will just have to get over it.' When I looked at her and told her that was the dumbest thing I had ever heard, her response was, 'well that's what the experts say.' Hmmm.

I have felt as though I have been in a whirlpool as of late. Going around in a circle, unable to brake free, holding on for dear life, feeling a bit seasick by the constant motion. As I swirl, I find myself saying," but I already went through that", "I already felt that", " this 'stage' again?" Grief is not about stages, it is a process with vast emotion. In a great book I have been reading written by a man who in one moment lost his wife, mother and daughter, says, 'you never get over it'. It has been several years since his loss, he has moved forward, but he is still broadsided at times with the loss, as I often am.

While in this whirlpool, I have also been frustrated as to how consumed I have been with me. Part of me says that it probably normal, but for one who naturally likes to help others, and hasn't been, I have felt very guilty. I forget others are going through difficult times, it's not just me. I haven't done well to keep in contact with friends. I haven't had the energy. So, then comes the guilty part. It has been a year and 3 months, should I not have energy by now? Should I not be more mindful of others, and less consumed with me? How do I grieve? Am I doing this correctly? I honestly don't know. I do know that I have lost the closeness of some friendships because of my unavailability. It has not been intentional.

The moral of this post? I don't know. I have no answers. I am praying for answers. I am longing for answers. I want answers. What I do know is that I need to get the thoughts written down for my sake. I have a feeling that so often my posts have been sad and depressing, which I think has caused the lost of blog followers I once had. But I started this blog for my own heart, but in the hopes it would bless others. This is truly a journey, a process of time, one I hope I will do well in.

HE IS RISEN!!!

And the angel answered and said to the women, 'Do not be afraid; for I know that you are looking for Jesus who has been crucified. He is not here, He is risen, just as He said. Come, see the place where He was lying....
And behold, Jesus met them and greeted them. And they came up and took hold of His feet and worshipped Him. Matthew 28:5,6,9

And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other Name under heaven that has been given among men, by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12

Therefore, also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the Name which is above every name.
That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those who are in heaven, and on earth, and under the earth,
And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Philippians 2:9-11

He is risen indeed!

Jesus

Jesus.

...deeply grieved...sleeping disciples...betrayed...arrest...accused...spat on...
beat...slapped...hit...denied...stripped...whipped...thrones...mocked...gall...
lots...insults...pain...alone...separation...yielding...death.

And behold, the veil in the temple was torn in two from top to bottom, and the earth shook, and the rocks split...Now the centurion, and those who were with him keeping watch over Jesus, when they saw the earthquake and the things that were happening became very frightened and said, "Truly, this is the Son of God."

"Since therefore, brethren, we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, and by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is, His flesh..." Heb. 10: 19, 20

For you. For me.