Scenes

Our lives are like scenes in a play, yet we get only a portion of the script at a time. We don't get to see the next scene, we don't get to see the outcome. We never get to rehearse. Yesterday, I was handed my next scene, it was packing up Emily's things in a Hertz truck, praying over her and Evan, hugging them goodbye, shedding tears, and watching them turn the corner, heading to California. It was the second hardest scene I have ever had to perform in my life. It is amazing to me how full of joy and excitement my heart was for them and their new adventure, yet how my heart was so aching at the same time. I reckon that is part of motherhood.


Before Mr. and Mrs. Cofer left, they opened their wedding presents. We all oo-ed and ah-ed, and laughed as they tore open the gifts.

They received some wonderful things. Note the mound of wrappings. I will be making a trip to the dump today.

After that scene came the moving of boxes to the truck. It dawned on me as we were making trips back and forth, that it was exactly one year since Em and I had moved into our home. Who knew at that time the script was already written that she a year later would be married and moving to her 'first' home? I helped haul out boxes, then got in the truck with Evan to help stack. How many times have I done that in my life? And yet, this time I would be staying. It was rather surreal.

The last scene was praying over my children for safety and protection, something Dale would have done. We hugged, kissed and wept. I held my baby tight, holding back the deep sobs, and told her I loved her. My niece and I walked them to the truck, gave the usual family parting; 'Have fun storming the castle!', ' Do you think it will work?', 'It would take a miracle.',
'Goodbye!' We waved them down the road, and watched them turn the corner out of sight.
My precious niece, held me, asked if I would be okay, told me she loved me, and headed home. I walked inside, sat on the couch, and wept. End of scene.

I will miss Em, a lot. She is not only my daughter, but a good friend. We have been through a lot together in these past 2 years. I will miss her company and companionship. Yet, I rejoice in her rejoicing. The excitement of being a new wife. Anticipating setting up your own home, with your own things about you. She will be a wonderful wife. She and Evan couldn't be more perfect for each other. This is what I have raised her to be. I will miss her, but the train does goes to California, I am saving my pennies.

Blessings to you two. May the joy of today, fill your hearts always. And don't forget to write!

What to say...

It has been 4 days since Emily and Evan got married. So why have I not posted anything about it. I'm not sure, but I think partly it is not knowing what to say, and still letting the reality of it all soak in. I will give it a go.

I have been the mother of the bride 3 times now. Each time has been memorable, each day has been a joy and delight as I have watched my beautiful girls become married woman. But Emily's was different, on different levels.

Saturday was a glorious day weather wise, sunny, but not to hot. All the brides attendants looked beautiful in their black dress, all the grooms men, handsome in their tuxes. Evan was in uniform, his bright blue eyes set off by its dark color. Emily was the most beautiful I have ever seen her. Her wonderful smile, her twinkling eyes peering through her birdcage veil, spoke volumes of her calm spirit. She walked down the isle, I know, wishing her papa was at her side. With incredible grace she made her way to Evan, beaming every step.

How proud I am of Emily. How very much I love her new husband. God has been very good to us. He once again has filled a void in our hearts by the addition of Evan. A new son, a dear son, a most blessed daughter.

I just got off the phone with Emily. She called from Canada just to check in. It was good to hear her voice. How I long to hold her and tell her I love her. I will soon. They will be here Friday to load her things into a moving truck, and then they will head south to Evan's new duty station. There will be mixed emotions in the hugs that will be given. I am so excited for them as they start their new life together. It will be an exciting time for them as they create their first home together. I remember those days. Yet, there will be a sadness as I hug my baby goodbye. I will miss her so very much. I miss her now. She has been a comfort, rock and friend to me in this last year and a half. We have been through a lot together, there has been a strong bond formed that is hard to put into words. What to say... "Who gives this woman to marry this man?" 'With great joy, I do.' I meant it, too.

This Day

It is 12:21 am, July 24th, 2010. This day, my baby will be getting married. This day, I will have an empty nest. This day, both she and I will be taking new pathways, she with a most wonderful, godly young man, me a new pathway alone.

This day will be full of joy, and moments of sadness. Joy in the total celebration of the day, family and dear friends, gathering to share in a very special moment. The sadness will be the fact that Dale is not here to walk his baby down the isle, to give her away. Emily will be making that journey by herself. It will be hard.

There is a joy in this journey. Watching Emily and Evan growing together, falling more and more in love. There is joy in my heart that I will soon have a new son-in-law, whom I already love so dearly.

Emily and I just had our last mom and daughter cuddle before she went to sleep. We talked, giggled, held hands, held each other. Some tears fell, as she thanked me for putting the wedding together, as we told each other 'I love you'. I didn't want to let go. This day, I will. With great joy and a full heart, I will give her away, the torch will be passed. This day, my baby is getting married.

'This is weird.'

I have lived in 8 states, 23 towns and 33 homes. Some of that was as a child, part as an adult. I know how to pack a house up, and unpack, in quite a timely manner. I have learned a lot of tricks. Dale's last pastorate was to be our last move. We had a running joke with the church family that Dale had to be there at least 20 years. I think we could have done just that. Dale passed away just short of 6 years. We both made one more move, his was to glory, mine was with Em to WA state.



I really like my little cottage, it makes me happy. My hope is I will live here the rest of my life, unless the Lord gives me the farm of my dreams. It is has been a great home for Em and I to find our footing. I knew one day she would be on her way into a new chapter with Evan. Yesterday was that reality. Yesterday she started to pack up her room.






It is only 4 days till the wedding. My, how quickly the time has passed. At first they kids set the date for January of 2011, then the pushed it up to November of this year. As they were trying to plan where to go on their honeymoon, I thought to myself, it would be more fun if they could go when the weather was still nice, so I suggested they move it up to September. There was no convincing on my behalf. Then came one more change. Evan would be going to a new duty station in July. As he was doing paperwork to make the transfer, his sponsor at his new post told him it would be much easier if he reported in July, already married. Long story short, another change, which worked out on a lot of different levels to be for the better. So, that is why the packing.


This is weird.' That from Emily's mouth as I came into her room yesterday to give her something. She was sitting on the floor sorting through stuff and putting it into boxes. As she looked up at me, I could only smile, because of the choking emotion welling up in my throat. I left the room, went to mine, closed the door, and cried. This was it. This would be 'the' move, the one I would not be making with her. My baby would be leaving.




I cried. Hard. I am a good crier, as I can cry without making a sound. I didn't want Emily and Evan to hear me. I needed the space. Time to let it all sink in. Time to accept the fact my house would soon be empty. It physically hurt.


There are new horizons on this trodden path, for both Em and I. It will all be good. How could it be anything else with a sovereign God at the lead. Changes? O yes. Easy? Not always. I so rejoice in the love Emily and Evan have for each other. I am excited to see their relationship grow and blossom in new ways as they begin their new pathway. I am even excited to see what the Lord will do with me, where He will lead, how He will lead. Yet, I must agree with Em, this is weird.

God's Coloring Book

'The heavens declare the glory of God, and the earth shows His handiwork.'

Brilliant colors, variety of shape and size. I love God's creation.

Once again....

...the Lord showed His hand of blessing and provision to me. A couple of days ago, I received a very unexpected doctor bill for my elbow. Not only was I surprised that 7 months after the fact was I even receiving a bill, but more surprised at the amount. My first response, unfortunately was to cry, wondering where the money would come from. Then, I called the Dr. office to find out what the deal was. No one answered, of course. After some time, I heard that still, small voice gently say, 'trust Me, stupid.' Okay, so He didn't call me stupid, but at His reminder, I felt stupid, wondering when will I ever learn! The following day, I called again, only to get voice mail. Ugh! So, I decided I would call the following day in hopes someone would answer.

That afternoon, I stood in my kitchen eating a nectarine over the sink. As I did, I looked at a 3X5 card I have taped to the window that says, 'Jehovah- Jirah, God my Provider. Jehovah-Shalom, God my Peace.' I read it over and over, believing the words. Just as I finished the nectarine, I got a call from the office. The gal told me that it didn't look like the bill had been processed properly with my insurance company. She would be calling them the next day to see what was going on. She told me I would probably still have to pay something, but not as much. I was grateful she was diligent in her job to spot a problem.

This morning I posted a quote on Facebook, more because I liked the quote, not really thinking of my concern. I had prayed and left the situation at the throne. I would trust, knowing the Lord would take care of it for me.

"Let us dare to test God's resources...Let us ask Him to kindle in us and keep aflame that passion for the impossible that shall make us delight in Him, till the day when we shall see it transformed in to a fact." Lilias Trotter

This morning as I was cleaning house, the phone rang. The gal from the office said, 'I have good news! The insurance company will be reprocessing your bill. Since you have maxed out with your out of pocket expense, not only will you not owe anything, you will be getting a reimbursement." I thanked her most graciously, hung up the phone and immediately thanked the Lord! I was so excited! I don't care if the refund is only $10, I am so grateful that I will not have to pay a dime.

Is God sovereign, yes. Is God faithful, yes. If He is sovereign and faithful, He is trustworthy. Today He has proven it yet again, in my life.

My Rock

(Photo by Bruce E. Ring)

I wonder how many times I have walked this beach and seen 'my rock'. I wonder how many times while at Ecola Hall, I would run down to the beach just to get a glimpes of my rock, my visual, constant reminder that God was my Rock and Refuge. I wonder how many prayers, and tears were shed while sitting on the beach, looking at my rock.

My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is in Him.

He only is my Rock and my Salvation, my Stronghold;

I shall not be shaken.

On God my salvation and my glory rest;

The Rock of my strength, my Refuge is in God.

Trust in Him at all times, O people;

Pour out your heart before Him;

God is a Refuge for us. Psalms 62.5-8

I wonder how many times over the years I have read these verses for strength and encouragement, wishing I could go sit at the beach and look at my rock, and pray to my Refuge and Strength. How I wish I was there now.

Asking in the Desert

Have you ever felt you were in a spiritual desert? That though you read your bible and pray, it all seems dry, and that the Lord is no where to be found? I have, a number of times, like now.

In the past I have wept, and begged to hear the Lord speak in my life, to feel His closeness, to feel growth in my life. Feeling lonely and abandoned, I drag my sword and find my armor in fragments, tattered and dented, my soul bruised and exhausted. I wondered what I had done wrong to deserve such silence from my God. In time, after much beating on the gates of heaven, flickers of light can be seen, and closeness and growth are restored.

It has been different this time. I feel alone, sensing God's silence, yet knowing He is close by. I am never forsaken. I feel a dryness in my time in the word, yet long to be in it. I have wondered at why I have not felt deserted, and ignored as in the past, why I haven't shed as many tears and lay in the dust as before.. The only thing I can figure is in the past 18 months, I have experienced such a closeness to Him, seeing His amazing faithfulness, learning how He is not just my Lord and Saviour, but now my Husband and Provider. I read His word, still wishing to hear His voice, but I have no fear that I won't hear Him, I know I will. I know this is a time of testing, of leaning, of trusting. It is never easy, I do look forward to it being over, but I know it will come to an end, and a new sense of worship will take place.

Just recently I read this prayer: 'God, there are times when I feel that You will not talk to me, to explain to me why I feel a certain way or why a certain thing has happened. Lord, help me to keep asking, to keep opening my heart to you and asking you to shape it.'
(Richard Foster)

So, I keep asking, keeping my heart open, waiting for that still small voice. It will come.

Fredrick Faber

I love the writing of saints of old. A favorite of mine is Fredrick Faber. Fredrick was a British theologian in the Anglican church and was also a hymn writer (150 to be exact). In 1844, after much consideration, he was ordained as a catholic priest.

Two hymns we sing of his are, Faith of our Fathers, and There's a wideness in God's mercy. Born in 1814, he died in 1863, at the age of 49.

The Way Of Perfection

Oh how the thought of God attracts
And draws the heart from earth,
And sickens it of passing shows
And dissipating mirth!

'Tis not enough to save our souls,
To shun the eternal fires;
The thought of God will rouse the heart
To more sublime desires.

God only is the creature's home,
Though rough and straight the road;
Yet nothing less can satisfy
The love that longs for God.

Oh utter but the Name of God
Down in your heart of hearts,
And see how from the world at once
All tempting light departs.

A trusting heart, a yearning eye,
Can win their way above;
If mountains can be moved by faith,
Is there less power in love?

How little of that road, my soul!
How little hast thou gone!
Take heart, and let the thought of God
Allure thee further on.

The freedom from all wilful sin,
The Christian's daily task-
Oh these are graces far below
What longing love would ask!

Dole not thy duties out to God,
But let thy hand be free:
Look long at Jesus: His sweet Blood,
How was it dealt to thee?

The perfect way is hard to flesh;
It is not hard to love;
If thou wert sick for want of God,
How swiftly wouldst thou move!

Then keep thy conscience sensitive;
No inward token miss:
and go where grace entices thee;
Perfection lies in this.

Be docile to thine unseen Guide,
Love Him as He loves thee;
Time and obedience are enough,
And thou a saint shall be.