This day, this is my hearts prayer.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
My Role
"I was assigned a role for which I did not audition. Yet I have the power to choose how I will live out that story and play that role. I want to live my story well, and play my role with as much integrity and joy as I can." Jerry Sitters
This day, this is my hearts prayer.
This day, this is my hearts prayer.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Comfort
We are creatures of comfort, have our comfort zones, comfort food. We like staying in our familiar spheres, not shaken by circumstance or situation. Unfortunately, that is never the case. To often we find ourselves going to that place, thing or person that gives us comfort when we are in distress. This past week, I turned to an old friend for comfort, a box of cheerios. As I had a couple of low days, I made it through the box in no time flat. I don't suggest making a steady diet of just carbohydrates, but at that time, in that moment, it helped, sort of.
Tonight around 9pm, my phone rang, I answered to hear my nieces voice on the other end. My nephew was upset, and wanted to drive out to their old home to find some solace. As it was late, she encouraged him come to my house, to go upstairs and be alone. He agreed, and soon was knocking at my door. When I opened the door, my heart broke to see his red, weeping eyes. He came in and we hugged. It wasn't just a 'hi auntie', kind of hug, but a 'my heart hurts, auntie' kind of hug. I asked what was wrong, did he want to talk, or just be alone. He response was, 'I don't know.' This beloved young man is one of few words, yet a deep thinker, a tender and creative soul. I didn't know what to do. I asked if he wanted to sit in Uncle Dale's chair. 'Yes'. Whenever he comes over, he goes right to the worn, green chair. He puts his feet up, and melts into the chair. A place of comfort. All I had to offer was a bag of pretzels, since I had already devoured the cheerios. We both had a cup of tea, watched part of a movie, and said nothing. He just needed a familiar place, a thing of comfort, and just be.
There is no moral to the story, no great truth, I just was grateful to be a safe place for him to come, to breathe and regroup. He said he felt better when he left, I was glad.
Scripture tells us that we go through our difficulties in order to know how to comfort others. I understand a broken heart, and though there were few words between he and I, I hope I was able to bring him some kind of comfort. Maybe just the offer of the chair was a good enough start.
Tonight around 9pm, my phone rang, I answered to hear my nieces voice on the other end. My nephew was upset, and wanted to drive out to their old home to find some solace. As it was late, she encouraged him come to my house, to go upstairs and be alone. He agreed, and soon was knocking at my door. When I opened the door, my heart broke to see his red, weeping eyes. He came in and we hugged. It wasn't just a 'hi auntie', kind of hug, but a 'my heart hurts, auntie' kind of hug. I asked what was wrong, did he want to talk, or just be alone. He response was, 'I don't know.' This beloved young man is one of few words, yet a deep thinker, a tender and creative soul. I didn't know what to do. I asked if he wanted to sit in Uncle Dale's chair. 'Yes'. Whenever he comes over, he goes right to the worn, green chair. He puts his feet up, and melts into the chair. A place of comfort. All I had to offer was a bag of pretzels, since I had already devoured the cheerios. We both had a cup of tea, watched part of a movie, and said nothing. He just needed a familiar place, a thing of comfort, and just be.
There is no moral to the story, no great truth, I just was grateful to be a safe place for him to come, to breathe and regroup. He said he felt better when he left, I was glad.
Scripture tells us that we go through our difficulties in order to know how to comfort others. I understand a broken heart, and though there were few words between he and I, I hope I was able to bring him some kind of comfort. Maybe just the offer of the chair was a good enough start.
Friday, August 20, 2010
The World of Pooh
I am a bit of an Eeyore, always have been. As a kid, I was never a morning person, I did not speak till I had had my breakfast, a fact my father loved, as he felt it his responsibility to tease me while under my morning dark cloud. The result was usually me getting more irritated and grumpy, hence, his success.
I also am a bit of a Piglet. I have always been a fretter, fearful. I have made mention in a past post how my mom nicknamed me "Little Miss Much-Afraid" after the character in the book, Hinds Feet on High Places. I would like to say, as I have gotten older, I have gotten less fearful. To some degree that would be true, yet in recent months, I think I have gotten more fearful, more frettful about things. I think it because of the having to go it alone bit. So, the combination of Eeyore, and Piglet, well...not always the best. I would love to be more like Pooh, who just sees today, and its needs of sustenance, and looking out for others, or Tigger, positive and energetic, or like wise old Owl, or easy going, calm, adventurous Christopher Robin, or kind, nurturing Kanga, or Roo, who just wants to have fun. But too often I am concerned about Heffalumps and Woozels, knowing full well, they don't exist, yet I give them power over my emotions... consuming my day.
There is a bit of all these characters in me, I suppose, but I long for a balance, a spirit carefree, one that says: Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord.
Perhaps I need to snack on some honeycomb, and find a bridge, and go play Pooh sticks.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Homecomings...
These types of videos always reduce me to a puddle. Perhaps this is a glimpse of our entry to heaven.
Monday, August 16, 2010
A Soul into Blossom
What a whirlwind life has been. A few days after Emily and Evan left for California, I went on a mini vacation with my folks. We had a great time, lots of laughing, visiting favorite haunts. A few days after we got home, I headed north to spend time with Grace and Matthew. They wanted me to do a tea presentation and to stay a few days. It was lovely. It was well needed, as we did a lot of, well, nothing. As I left their home, I felt refreshed, till the closer I got to my home, realizing, no one would be there to greet me. I started to cry, which happens often in the car, though not the best place to get emotional.
I have so many major changes in my life in the past 2 1/2 years, all of them difficult in their own right; Dale getting cancer, his death, no longer being a wife, no longer having my best friend and confidant, selling my home, moving to a new town, buying a home on my own, deciding on a starting my own business, Emily marrying (okay, so that was joyful), and leaving home, an empty nest, empty arms. Just writing all that could depress the best of us.
"Take the very hardest thing in your life-the place of difficulty, outward or inward, and expect God to triumph gloriously in the very spot. Just there He can bring your soul into blossom." Lilias Trotter- Parables of the Cross
I am ready a biography of Lilas Trotter. She was a woman, born in 1853, in England, and as a young woman gave up her home and her great talent of painting, to got to Algeria to reach the Muslims with the gospel, which she did for 40 years. When she was 12, her father, whom she was very close to, died. At that very early age it is said that her faith in the Lord deepened greatly, a spiritual maturity seen far beyond her years. 'She had been raised in a family of faith, instructed in biblical stories and precepts. She had witnessed Christianity expressed in the lives of her parents. But here and now, in her "place of difficulty", the precepts would be put to the test."
In the past 2 1/2 years, my continual 'place of difficulty', what I have been taught over the years, what I have learned, has been put to the test. The character of God is different to me, I see things differently, mercy and grace have taken on a new meaning. I have not learned some new spiritual truths, I do believe, that anyone who has gone through a deep grief would understand, you just can see past things that once were important, as now rubbish and unnecessary in the scheme of things. I have seen aspects of God, I never really understood, it wasn't time for me to understand them. I have been brought into this place for a reason. The things I have learned, had to be learned in this way, with these circumstances.
Perhaps, I am rambling and making no sense. What I know is this, the foundation of my faith has been proved to me by the Lord in my circumstance. My life is totally different than what I ever thought it would be. I am different. I am longing to not feel so battered and bruised. When your heart is left torn and bleeding, it takes awhile to heal. I want to walk well, I want to not shame my heavenly Father. I want to be an example to my kids of the faithfulness of our Lord. I want my empty home to be full of joy.
As this very new, this sometimes, overwhelming, new chapter starts to play out, I am excited to see what the Lord will do. My hope, my desire is that this will all bring my 'soul in to blossom', I want to see God triumph in this very spot.
I have so many major changes in my life in the past 2 1/2 years, all of them difficult in their own right; Dale getting cancer, his death, no longer being a wife, no longer having my best friend and confidant, selling my home, moving to a new town, buying a home on my own, deciding on a starting my own business, Emily marrying (okay, so that was joyful), and leaving home, an empty nest, empty arms. Just writing all that could depress the best of us.
"Take the very hardest thing in your life-the place of difficulty, outward or inward, and expect God to triumph gloriously in the very spot. Just there He can bring your soul into blossom." Lilias Trotter- Parables of the Cross
I am ready a biography of Lilas Trotter. She was a woman, born in 1853, in England, and as a young woman gave up her home and her great talent of painting, to got to Algeria to reach the Muslims with the gospel, which she did for 40 years. When she was 12, her father, whom she was very close to, died. At that very early age it is said that her faith in the Lord deepened greatly, a spiritual maturity seen far beyond her years. 'She had been raised in a family of faith, instructed in biblical stories and precepts. She had witnessed Christianity expressed in the lives of her parents. But here and now, in her "place of difficulty", the precepts would be put to the test."
In the past 2 1/2 years, my continual 'place of difficulty', what I have been taught over the years, what I have learned, has been put to the test. The character of God is different to me, I see things differently, mercy and grace have taken on a new meaning. I have not learned some new spiritual truths, I do believe, that anyone who has gone through a deep grief would understand, you just can see past things that once were important, as now rubbish and unnecessary in the scheme of things. I have seen aspects of God, I never really understood, it wasn't time for me to understand them. I have been brought into this place for a reason. The things I have learned, had to be learned in this way, with these circumstances.
Perhaps, I am rambling and making no sense. What I know is this, the foundation of my faith has been proved to me by the Lord in my circumstance. My life is totally different than what I ever thought it would be. I am different. I am longing to not feel so battered and bruised. When your heart is left torn and bleeding, it takes awhile to heal. I want to walk well, I want to not shame my heavenly Father. I want to be an example to my kids of the faithfulness of our Lord. I want my empty home to be full of joy.
As this very new, this sometimes, overwhelming, new chapter starts to play out, I am excited to see what the Lord will do. My hope, my desire is that this will all bring my 'soul in to blossom', I want to see God triumph in this very spot.
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