Fall is in the air

What a lovely day today! After early rains setting in this month, today we had a respite. Though it was a bit misty this morning, and clouds are the majority of the sky, there has been sun, warm sun, and glimpses of blue most of the day. It is one of those days where I long to walk in the woods and breath deeply. The fact being I don't have any woods, I did venture in the back yard, really only to see what my very green tomatoes were doing. As it turned out, I took the netting off the berries, removed the poles that help up the netting, pulled out all the waning sweet peas, removed their stakes, and cut back some rather rangy Hollyhocks and Foxgloves. When I finally got to the tomatoes, I found, green tomatoes. Ugh! My hope was to fill the freezer with them for winter soups. I have often had to ripen them in the house here in the NW, so I decided to take some in, leaving others in the hope...


I decided to try something this time, and that was to cut the branches and hang them. I have heard of those who pull the plants out by the root and hang them upside down to ripen. So, I set up my wooden clothes rack and have them hanging there. I feel very Tasha Tudor-ish. We shall see if they will ripen or if they get turned into relish.


It felt good to be outside with the warm breeze and buzzing bees. I needed that after a long and busy week. I love autumn. I love the colors, the smell in the air of wood smoke, of cozy sweaters, and the rustle of leaves. Perhaps I will find a wood for a walk, and maybe a companion to go with me.

Remember Pogo Sticks?

My siblings and I had one, and I can remember having contests to see who could hop the longest. I loved hopping around on it trying to move forward, and not just stay in one place, hoping I could achieve a higher number from my last attempt, trying to not fall over, again, which usually involved a scraped shin from the foot pedal. Of late, I feel that my life has been like that, hopping in one place, trying to move forward, but mostly falling down, resulting in lots of bumps and bruises.

I found this definition of hope, and liked what it said, do note the bold print.

Hope-
O.E. hopian "wish, expect, look forward (to something)," of unknown origin, a general Low Ger. word (cf. O.Fris. hopia, M.L.G., M.Du. hopen; M.H.G. hoffen "to hope" was borrowed from Low Ger. Some suggest a connection with hop (v.) on the notion of "leaping in expectation." Related: Hoped; hoping.

There is a song I like that speaks of hope. 'Hope has a way of turning it face to you just when you least expect it. You walk in a room and look out the window and something there leaves you breathless. You say to yourself, its been awhile since I felt this. And it feels like it might be hope.'

"Leaping in expectation", I like that. A hope that leaves me breathless. It's not the clingy, desperate, grasping kind of hope, but one of joy and anticipation. I want the latter. I want to leap with expectation! Maybe I should go buy a pogo stick, it might help.

Pictorial style...

of my day, yesterday. 10 on 10. I saw a friend do this on her blog, and thought I would try it out. On the 10th of each month, you take ten pictures, one each hour for 10 hours. Technically, I have only 9, but oh well.

New discovery

It just dawned on me, literally, when faced with something overwhelming, I retreat, procrastinate. This discovery has actually made me feel a bit lighter in spirit. I am thrilled! I just thought there was something wrong with me, fearful even of depression.

As I have gotten closer to having my business really up and running, I have found that things I need to get done, like yesterday, I put off, ignore, as if it will all go away. It doesn't, it just grows more overwhelming and ominous. Why do I do this? I don't know. Wish I did, cause it sure would make things easier. Why have I never realized this before? This I think I can answer. I got things done, overwhelming or not, because I had people to take care of, a reason, a purpose to motivate me. I didn't have time to be overwhelmed. With Dale gone, and the girls now all living their own lives, independent of me, my motivation is gone. One would think that paying the bills would be motivation enough, but its not. I did what needed to be done, because others needed me too. No one 'needs' me anymore. I don't say that to sound wimpy and pathetic, but as a true-ism.

The answer? The purpose, motivation? I don't know, maybe there isn't one anymore. Maybe its just doing, because it needs to be done. I am grateful to know now what it is that has been plaguing me, it will help to continue to move forward in what needs to be done each day. So, I guess I'll go to post office and get this tea order shipped.

Epic moments

I have had many epic moments in my life, my marriage, my 3 beautiful daughters, the addition of 3 wonderful sons, the accumulation of grandchildren. There have been other moments, some joyous, some devastating, but all have had a part in making me who I am and has brought joy, or manifested strength in my life. Recently, a new epic moment has been added to my repertoire; a road trip with my niece.

We went down to see Emily for a week, which was wonderful! It is good forthis mama's heart to see her babe settled and doing well. Emily and Evan have a lovely apartment in a beautiful complex. It was fun to see how she decorated, and how she has beautifully created a home for her and Evan, epic in and of itself. We played, laughed, and all got sunburned. Wonderful memories to hold in my heart.

But having time with Molly, just us, for a total of 36 hours travelling time, truly was delightful. Most of Molly's life, I have lived at a distance. I missed out on much of her growing up, as with all my nieces and nephews. It has only been in this past year that I have gotten to be part of her life. I have gotten to see the young woman she has become, without seeing much of how she got there. For me, the trip made up for lost time. We created some fun and silly memories. We sang, a lot, talked, laughed, and sometimes did none of those things, and were just quiet with our own thoughts, and it was okay.

Molly left today for her 3rd year at college. She stopped by to pick up some things she left here. We hugged, said our 'I love you's', and then I watched her close the gate behind her as she trekked toward her next journey. I am so grateful for how things worked out for her to go with me. It certainly made the drive much easier. But I am grateful too, for how our time together will be used to form another aspect of who I am, who I am becoming. It was a most precious epic moment.