Worship

That word can strike terror in the hearts of some. I was raised in conservative churches, where the lifting of hands was reserved for 'the church down the road'. I was coming of age during the Jesus Movement of the 70's, you know the 'saved hippies', who came to church with long hair, and would sometimes actually move when they sang, with eyes closed, and hands raised. A little to weird for our blood. How silly that thinking is now.

I'm a hand raiser these days. The church I attend have some hand raisers, but not many, so I sometimes am overly conscience of it, afraid I might make the person next to me uncomfortable. I don't want to, I want to help others worship, not hinder.

I was reminded today, that worship isn't just singing with hands raised. It is so much more, so many different aspects. Singing, prayer, conversation, all forms of worship, all things I am to be involved in, daily, for myself as well as for the sake of others.

1 Chronicles 16. 8-36 is a great passage. As I read it this morning I was struck by the verbs used in the passage, reminding me how active my worship to the Lord is to be. 'give thanks...call upon His name...make known His deeds...sing to Him...glory in His name...seek the Lord...remember His wonderful deeds...remember His covenant...proclaim good tidings...ascribe to the Lord...worship the Lord...tremble before Him...

Active, full, vibrant worship, alone or with others; it is necessary, it is needed, it is good! I am not saying you must raise your hands, close your eyes or doing anything in order to truly worship the Lord, what I am saying is, worship Him, in spirit and in truth. It is vital for our well being to worship. It opens up the floodgates of God's mercy and grace, His very presence. It is a privilege we have been given because we are sealed by the Holy Spirit. Besides, we might as well get in the habit of it now, as we will be worshipping in Christ's presence for eternity. And that amazes and whelms me!

I Will Lift My Eyes

I love Psalm 121. It is one I have read over and over. When Hannah went to school, I claimed this Psalm for her, and over the years at different crossroads of her life have prayed it for her. Today, I prayed it for myself.

I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.

I am not a business woman, never have wanted to be a career woman. I have always loved being a homemaker, taking care of my hubby and girls. I love the freedom being a homemaker brings, to do the things I want to do, when I want to do them. But, that is not what I have been call to do right now. I have been called to be the breadwinner for myself. I don't like it, I struggle with it, but it is what it is. Which is why I prayed this Psalm for myself this morning. I have big stuff to do today for my business, decisions, working on my website, placing a tea order... I need the Lords help. I need His wisdom, and guidance and protection. I don't want to mess this up. I don't have a business brain, I have a 'I'm going to make tea and go create something' brain. My comfort in all this is the fact that, even though I don't like being a business woman, I know God has directed me to this place. I know He has brought specific people into my life to help me with aspects of business, I know nothing about. Therefore, I know I will be able to do this thing.

He has promised to keep me, to protect me, to not allow my foot to slip, to guard my coming in and going out. Therefore, I will lift my eyes.

Life

...its hard. No where in scripture does it say things will be easy. In fact, the Lord even tells us that, 'in the world you will have tribulation..' We will have trials, bottom line. We will watch loved ones die, deal with chronic illness, lose jobs, have broken families. Life on this earth, basically, stinks, yea, verily.

I just read my youngest daughters blog. She wrote of such hard things, how she had been missing her dad of late, a lot, missing a dear friend who passed away the same year. As I read it, through tears, I was amazed, as I had been thinking much of both Dale and Annie recently too. As I read, my heart broke as a mom to hear the heart cry of her daughter, knowing that I can't heal her heart, I can't kiss it and make it better. It is her grief, her hurt, her growing pains. It made me think of another daughter who daily, with her newborn daughter, deals with a fragile, abnormal heart. I can't even imagine the anxiety she must moment by moment push away when she looks in her daughter's eyes as she holds her to her breast to nurse. Again, I can't fix it. Mom's are suppose to fix everything, but it is her grief, her hurt, her growing pains.

Today, I lay on my living room floor, listening to a cd a friend gave me, as I did I raised my hands and wept, okay, cried, uncontrollably. I was beseeching the Lord in my own grief, and hurt and growing pains, knowing that the road to be like Him is lined with suffering and hurt. All that I am has to be stripped away, the calloused, old spiritual skin has to be peeled back, to reveal the new, and clean. It hurts, there is no getting around it. It has to be done.

But before you say, 'who needs that, who wants pain and grief?' , let me finish the verse from the first paragraph, '...but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.' Because of the mercy and grace of Christ, and His amazing sacrifice on the cross, there is victory, hope, peace, healing, even joy. There are days I don't feel those things, but it is usually because I have gotten in the way of what I know is true and right, because the plans I have, aren't what the Lord has for me. So, in the process I mess things up, only to end up broken and bruised. There in lies the beauty of salvation, Jesus died to clean up the mess.

So, for you, and me, and my precious girls, in this world we will have tribulation, but because of Jesus, we have been given victory, and hope, peace, healing, and joy. That is enough.

Caitie Ru

This is my sweet Caitlin Ruth. I introduced you to her a few posts back at the time of her birth.

She is now 3 1/2 weeks old, and we have just found out she has major heart defects. There are a lot of things wrong with her heart,, but some of the wrong things are actually good. It is all rather complicated and confusing, nonetheless, she is a fragile girl. She will have to have surgery at 4-6 months and also at 4-6 years. The dr. is very optimistic and says she will be okay. We are grateful for that. God is sovereign, He is faithful, He is trustworthy. We may never know why we have been called to yet another hard thing, but will trust, even when it hurts.

Please pray for Hannah and Matthew as they daily care for Caitie Ru, that they will daily have the peace that passes all understanding, for emotional, physical, and spiritual strength. That they will continue to trust in the Name of the One who has called them to this task. For Caitlin, to continue to be strong and healthy, and thrive well. For this Mama and Nana's heart as it breaks for her daughter, who must walk this pathway, though not alone. Never alone.

Faith and Fog

These past few autumnal mornings have been foggy, giving the world an ethereal feel to it. Glimpses of trees, a hazed brightness to the sky, giving indication of sunny and blue on the other side. I like the feel of days like this. But I remember a foggy day when I was in Jr high, and on crosswalk duty, that the fog seemed more an enemy to me.

We lived just up the road from the Jr high school, and so my sister and I would walk to and from school everyday. This particular day I made my way to the school through a very thick fog alone, to take up task of carrying the crosswalk banner to aid in the safety others crossing the street. It was the kind of fog, where you could only see only a short distance in front of you, no glimpse of trees, no hazed brightness from the sky, just a thick grey cloud of moist fluff. As I took my place at the cross walk, I became very nervous, even with headlights on, one could only see 10, maybe 15 feet in front of their vehicle. To further add to the wariness of the situation, to one side of the crosswalk was a corner, that was the side I was on. I knew it was my responsibility, as a 12 year old, to see that the other students crossed safely, which meant, I had to step out into the road, trusting that the cars would see me in time to stop before ending my career as a crosswalk monitor. The task was completed without incident, but as is common, there was more than one day of fog, which meant repeat performances for me.

It has often felt like my days have been foggy these past 22 months, some days there is a lighter fog than others, but foggy just the same. I have begun to understand what stepping out on faith really means. Peter wanted to walk to the Lord on water. Everything in his mind told him, 'if you do you will sink, you will get caught up in the raging water and most likely drown. Walk on water, you're insane!' Yet, his heart wanted so badly to trust in his Savior, and believe he could actually walk on water. And he did, for a split second, till he looked at the water, and not his Lifeguard.

Once again, I am being asked to step out into the crosswalk of my life, with thick fog round-a-bout me, knowing in my heart of hearts I will be plastered to the ground by some vehicle waiting around the corner. But I am being asked to not wonder what is around the corner, to not even wonder what is on the other side of the fog, but to just walk through it, because I know the Name of the One who calls me to step out, knowing He will protect me. He has already made it through the fog, I am to trod His footsteps, even if I can only see one at a time. That is all He is asking of me. Trust. It is because of the habit of living before His face daily, that I know I can make it through the fog bank, again. This time He is the one stepping out into the the flow of traffic to let me pass safely, I just need to trust in the Unseen as I walk toward the unseen, believing.

10 on 10 on 10-10-10 @10

A while back I posted a 10 on 10, a group for photos taken on the tenth, one picture every hour for 10 hours of the day. Well, 10 0n 10 took place again on Sunday, and I had no limit to pictures to take, as my newest granddaughter, Aubrey Elizabeth was born...on 10-10-10, at 10am and she almost weighed 10lbs. It was an amazing birth, as I got to be there for the whole event. This was the first time I have experienced a birth, from that angle, and it was indescribable. Grace did an incredible job, and mom and babe are doing well.

Two granddaughters, a week apart, both beautiful and both have captured my heart.
I love being a Nana!
Here are 10 photos of our day Sunday.

Being a Nana

Does it get much better? Welcome Caitlin Ruth!

Weary, yet pursuing

No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth, at least I don't think I have. Life has continued to be a whirlwind of late, and oft times has left my brain numb with no thoughts to write, at least none anyone would be interested in.

I have been going from one thing to the other, trying very hard to organize and make sense of my life with adjusting to an empty home, getting my business in full swing, the anticipation and arrival of 2 grand babies, getting more involved, well, connected at church, running a home, outdoor projects, like redoing a shed roof, dealing with the needs of the car...shall I go on? I feel rather schizophrenic; businesswoman, Nana, church member, homemaker, handyman, mechanic, so many responsibilities, yet only one of me. It has a tendency to overwhelm, leaving me weary, and with the afore mentioned numb brain.

Today, I am weary and have a numb brain, mainly for the joyous reason that my first new granddaughter, Caitlin Ruth was born on Monday. Lack of sleep, and sleeping on less than comfortable beds, is the cause. The heart is full! I decided to come home for a couple days to regroup, take care of monthly bills, business things, mow the yard, try to can some pears, redo a batch of jelly that didn't set up, get some creative projects done for sale, and maybe get a nap.

Please understand, I am not trying to whine concerning my circumstances, or that I am ungrateful in anyway, I am not. I am learning that I have to make friends with all this, for if I don't I will have to find the closest sanitarium. Hmm...but there I wouldn't have to be concerned with any of these things.

'This day', as my mom often says to me. I reckon if the grass doesn't get mowed before baby #2 arrives, if the pears end up in the compost along with the jelly, life will go on, I must choose my battles, find the priorities, do my best. I know other single women must do the same, many struggle as I do, I am not alone in this. I will do what I can do today, finish tomorrow what is left undone, or bag it all when the call comes for baby #2 to arrive. Regardless of the tasks at hand, tea will be the essential, as well as knowing I have a loving, gracious, heavenly Father who knows the way I shall go. That well trodden path, (she takes a big breathe, and feels much better).