Christmas Babies

Only thing that would have made Christmas better, would have been holding all three of my grandbabies.

To those I have not met, yet.

One of the things I have loved about blogging is the 'friends' I have made. These dear ladies who have come into my life, who have encouraged me, made me cry, laugh, and supported me on my journey, though we have never met. Some day, I hope we can. If not, I know that we will have eternity to get acquainted.

Kay, Jeannie, Karen, Deborah Jean, Susan, you ladies are wonderful, and I thank you for gracing my blog with your words and love.

Kay- www.therusticcottage.blogspot.com/
Jeannie- www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com/
Karen- www.plainandsimplykaren.blogspot.com/
Deb- www.deborahjeansdandelionhouse.com/
Susan- www.missmaddies.blogspot.com/

Jubilee

Tomorrow, I will be 50 years old. I don't feel 50. I don't know what 50 is to feel like. Granted, there are mornings when I get out of bed, I feel very old, but on the whole I don't feel much different than when I turned 30. 50 years, 600 months, 18,220 days, give or take a leap year, half a century. They all don't sound so bad, expect the half century one, that sounds old.

This morning as I was having my devotions, I opened a devotional book I read only periodically, and found it speaking of the year of Jubilee, which occurred every 50 years. It's my year of Jubilee!

'You shall then sound the ram's horn abroad...on the day of Atonement...You shall consecrate the fiftieth year and proclaim a release through the land to all its inhabitants. It shall be a jubilee for you, and each shall return to his own property, and each to his own family...For it is a jubilee; it shall be holy to you.' Leviticus 25.9-12

This jubilee doesn't mean jubilant, or joyous, though that would be the attitude of the people, being released from debt and bondage, but it actually means, ram's horn, which was used to call the jubilee to begin. It was a type of sabbath. A year of being set free. A year of returning. A year of rest. It was a call to a new beginning, a time of grace and of hope.

As I look over the past 50 years of my life, all I can see is God's faithfulness. There have been many good, and joyous years, there have been some very hard, and painful years, and times of self made bondage, and slavery. This year I pray it will be very much a year of jubilee for me. A year of release, of rest, of new beginning, a year to witness hope and God's justice in my life.

Tomorrow, you will not hear a ram's horn sounding my year of jubilee, but there will be loud exultation within me, as Mercy fills my heart.

2 Year Mark

Today marks year 2 of Dale's passing. It is hard for me to believe. Some days, on some level, I feel as though I am moving forward and doing well. Other days I feel stuck and swallowed by grief. Oh if only there was a 'How to be a widow' manual, a blueprint, a road map, even a monthly quiz, that would help me determine if I am doing this thing right.

I think of a most beloved son-in-law, who struggles with not having the opportunity to know Dale. I think of grandbabies who won't know their amazing grampa. I know the Lord had this all figured out a very long time ago. He knows why. So, each morning I convince myself to get out of bed and breathe, praying for the grace to start again.

God is sovereign, He is faithful, therefore He is trustworthy. And on that I hang my hat, and my heart.

Juxapostion

'It is the Lord's mercy, to give you breathings after life, and cries to Him against that which oppresses you; and happy will you be, when He will fill your soul with that which He has given you to breathe after. Be not troubled; for if troubles abound, and there be tossing, and storms, and tempests, and no peace, nor anything visible left to support; yet, lie still, and sink beneath, till a secret hope stir, which will stay the heart in the midst of all these, until the Lord administer comfort, who knows how and what relief to give to the weary traveller, that knows not where it is, nor which way to look, nor where to expect a path.'
Issac Penington

In short, 'Be still and know that I am God'. To pursue after God, and yet, be still. An interesting juxapostion.

To will one thing...

'Father in Heaven! What are we without you?...What is all our striving, could it ever encompass a world, but a half-finished work if we do not know You: You the One, who is one thing and who is all!
So may you give to the intellect-wisdom to comprehend that one thing;
to the heart-sincerity to receive this understanding;
to the will-purity that wills only one thing.
In prosperity, may you grant-perseverance to will one thing;
amid distractions- collectedness to will one thing;
in suffering-patience to will one thing."
Soren Kierkegaard

In short, pursue Jesus. It is a mind set, an act of the will. We are selfish beings, and tend to seek to please ourselves. It is a deliberate act of seeking in quiet and submissiveness to hear the Lord's voice, to will to make Him that one thing, that needed personage in our lives.

I wish I could say it was easy to do. It's not, at least for me. I tend to allow everything in my life to whelm me till I come to the end of myself, and need to do as I did this morning, to just spend time, a lot of time, just listening, leaving all at the alter, allowing Him to be that One, again.

To Obey...

'to obey is better than sacrifice..' 1 Sam. 15.22

Yesterday, I was at Hannah's for a visit with my mom. We were getting ready for lunch, and I told Joshua it was time to eat, and for him to get up in his chair. His response? 'No.' He was sitting on the couch in the living room, and I was in the dining room. I walk out to him, with my Nana stern face on, and told him it was time to get in his chair. He just looked at me. I told him to listen and obey, which is what his parents say to him. He got off the couch and walked toward me, eyes fixed, no expression. As he passed by me, he kissed my hand, and continued on to the dining room. What a stinker! It was not a kiss of 'I love you and I will obey', but, 'I am doing this because I want to, because I don't want a spanking, but maybe a kiss will make you think I am being obedient, and repentant.'

When I got home, I thought about it again, and it came to me, how many times I have treated the Lord the same way? Giving an affectation of obedience to the Lord. How many times has He told me to do something, more than once, I do it, not because I want to, because I know it is good and right to do so, but out of, 'I'll do it so I won't get in trouble, oh, and here is a kiss Lord so it looks like I am obeying.' To obey, (doing what I am told with humility and quick response), is better than sacrifice, ( having to give up something because I have to). If my kids obeyed me when first told to do something, all was well. It was when they did what they were told, more than once, to do, with an attitude, that they got in trouble. Is it not the same for me?

Keith Green wrote a song many years ago, that still speaks truth today. Christ wants my life, daily, without dragging my feet, without pretense, but with humility. Joyfully giving to Him, because He is my Heavenly Father, and I should do nothing less.

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzWyZxlwGKI

Awe

'And lifting up their eyes, they saw no one, but Jesus Himself, alone.' Matt. 17. 8

Now there is a verse to ponder...for the rest of your life.