Grace and Obedience

I have spent the past week filling out job applications, going to a workshop, for 'displaced workers', writing resumes, in the hope of securing a job. I just want to pay my bills. In a slumped  economy, with no 'skills' by the worlds standards, it looks bleak. But I know the One who spins the universe, a job for a widow is no big deal for Him. I must admit, my attitude and my faith have not always shown that I know the Lord has it all under control. I have tears, frustration, more tears, rejection, more tears, roadblocks...this has been really hard. Really hard.

How hard it must have been for Ruth to be in a foreign land, of a curse people, and a widow, that's 3 strikes against her. Yet, she forsook her pagan past, chose to follow Jehovah, and obviously found favor in Naomi's eye to be allowed to stay with her and go to Bethlehem. Ruth was there by grace.

Ruth needs to find a field to glean in to provide for Naomi and herself. I am sure that Naomi would have told Ruth of the laws God had given on the care of the poor, widowed and orphan. She would have learned of the gleaning; they were returning at harvest time. Had Ruth ever had to work before? Did she help her mother at home, while servants went out bring in the harvest? Mahlon would have provided for her once they were married. I can only imagine going out and gleaning was a new concept for her. How would she be treated? Would she be allowed to glean in the fields? She had to work, she had to find grain, so out of need and obedience, she went.

She ended up at  Boaz's field, she asked to work, and it was granted her. She had gained a reputation as a woman of excellence in Bethlehem, perhaps that is why the field boss allowed her to glean, disregarding her being a Moabite. Grace.

When Boaz learned who she was, he gave instruction to allow her to follow after the servants, no longer gleaning the edges of the fields, no one was to mistreat her, she was to drink from the servants water jugs. Boaz was blessing Ruth for her care and obedience to Naomi. Ruth was the recipient of much grace because of her desire to follow after God.

As a widow, I have often times found myself having to do something, not because I wanted to, but because I had no choice. No one was there to do it for me, I know longer had a provider and protector. I have to make the decision when to get new tires, or do I get the brakes done on the car first and wait on the broken tooth. What deductible do I get for my health insurance? Do I try to fix the plumbing myself? How long can I deal with a cracked windshield? These are all decisions I didn't have to make before, and there are days I resent having to make them. I don't want to have too. I rather plan a menu, make fresh bread, and make tea and read in the garden while the bread  rises. But that is not what I am call to now. It wasn't what Ruth was called to. She had to go find work. I have to go find work. It is the way of it, and I am trusting, as I obey, God will give the grace and honor my efforts to do what I know I have to do, not because I deserve it, but because that is what grace is all about.

Devotions with Ruth

Perhaps if Ruth had had the same favorite devotional book I have, and she read today selection, she would have highlighted, circled, marked, dated and re read it like I did, and found the same encouragement for the journey that I did.

My times are in Your hands. Psalms. 31.15 (Jeff's song)

Every purpose of the Lord shall be performed. Jeremiah 51.29

'I am so glad! It is such rest to know,

That Thou hast ordered and appointed all.

And wilt yet order and appoint my lot.

For though so much I cannot understand, (it is hard Lord, the unseen)

And would not choose, has been and yet may be,

Thou choosest, Thou performest, Thou, my Lord.

That is enough for me. Francis Havergal

'We mustn't be in a hurry to fix and choose our own lot; we must wait to be guided. We are led on, like the little children, by a way that we know not. It is a vain thought to flee from the work that God appoints us, for the sake of finding a greater blessing to our won souls; as if we could choose for our selves where we shall find the fulness of the Divine Presence, instead of seeking it where alone it is to be found, in loving obedience.'

George Eliot (seeking employment June 25-2011)

Taken from Daily Strength for Daily Needs - Mary W. Tileston

Naomi

Often times Naomi gets the reputation of being a bitter woman once she is widowed. I beg to differ. As a widow, I think I can say I understand her heart, though I have never sat and visited with Naomi. I see her as a grieving, hurting, lonely woman, who has great faith in her God. Remember, Ruth told Naomi she would make Naomi's God, her God. Obviously, her faith was strong, even in the darkest depths of her soul.

Naomi means pleasant. Her daughter in laws loved her, they didn't want to leave her, so we make the assumption she was indeed a lovable, pleasant, kind lady. My mother in law was a pleasant, kind, loving, supportive lady. She loved me, and I loved her. She always had a strong, albeit, childlike faith. Her wisdom and words were always that of the Lord. She always encouraged Dale and I to walk faithfully. She was a dear lady. She too was a widow, at an early age, with small children, 5 to be exact. How I have wished she was still here so that I could talk to her about her journey and struggles. All I have now is what I know of her faith and her love for the Lord, and all the encouragement she gave in the years I knew her.

'She said them," Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the Lord has witnessed against me and the Almighty has afflicted me?" ' Ruth 1.20,21

Sounds harsh and bitter doesn't it? Being a widow, this is what I hear in Naomi's words.

'Please don't call me Pleasant, I don't feel pleasant, I don't feel perky and social. I am hurting, I am exceedingly sorrowful, in the very depths of my soul. I know that God Almighty, the All-Sufficient One, has brought this into my life. I know that Yaweh has taken away all that was dear to me. Don't call me Pleasant, I am deeply, bitterly, grieving.' Do you hear a difference? That is were I was 2 1/3 years ago. I never questioned God as to why He took Dale. I didn't like it, I hurt tremendously from his death. I couldn't think straight, I didn't want to think. In my soul I wanted to close the door and be alone, I didn't want words of comfort, they didn't help. I didn't want to be around perky, happy people, who tried, overly so, to make me happy. My joy was gone, I hurt and wanted to be left alone. I think this is where Naomi was.

Her faith was strong, for why would she refer to God as the All Sufficient One, if she was bitter towards God. She recognized the death of her husband and sons had come from God, she recognized that His sufficiency was all she had left. She knew in the deep grief, God would provide. Is that not why she went home, to where family was, where there was now a great harvest? God would provide. He would take care of her, she knew that.

A week ago, I finally came to that place of truly acknowledging that my plight was from God's hand. I knew it in my head, I knew the scriptures that supported that, but for the first time, my heart and my head joined forces, and I verbally said to the Lord, 'I know that this is from Your hand. I know You are God Almighty, the All Sufficient One. You will provide for me.' What a burden lifted! What a joy and new strength filled my heart! Why did it take me so long to come to this point?

Often I am lonely. Often I am fretful about my future and finances. Often I curl up in a heap and cry till my eyes burn; the bitterness of my soul. YET, I know the Lord will provide all I need, everyday, this minute, as well as the days to come. I am in the process of looking for work, in an economy that is in a slump, plying for the same positions that all the high schoolers and college kids want. It looks bleak on that level. But God is the All Sufficient One, I will trust, I will do all I know I need to and then watch Him provide, as He always has, even though my heart still grieves. I will strive to be a woman of great faith like Naomi.

Three Widows and Going Home

The first chapter of Ruth, finds Elimelech, a man from Bethlehem, his wife and two sons, leaving their home at a time of famine, to go to a land where they can find food. Elimelech takes them to Moab. For a Hebrew, this was maybe not the wisest choice. Moab was a people of false gods, of child sacrifice, a people God had cursed. They were a people of beginnings with Lot, in Sodom and Gomorrah as a result of incest. Not a place I would wish to take my family, but to Moab they went.

We don't know the time factor, but after being there for a time, Elimelech died, leaving Naomi alone with her sons. At some point they each took wives of Moab. And for ten years, Mahlon and Chilion took care of their wives and mother. Then, they both died. Now we have three widows, alone, with no one to provide and protect them, grieving. A mother in law and her two foreign, pagan daughter in laws. What a picture. Again, at some point, Naomi hears that 'the Lord had visited His people in giving them food.' Naomi wanted to go home. Home to what she knew, what was familiar, home to her family and friends. She was a foreigner in a godless land. The three widows started for Bethlehem, when Naomi told Ruth and Orpah to go back to their families as she could not provide for them in any way. They were young, could remarried, be taken care of. Through tears, and kisses and hugs, Orpah returned to her family, Ruth 'clung' to Naomi. It is here that Ruth makes a declaration of faith; 'your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. A pagan woman, turning her back on her family and the godlessness she has known all her life, to seek God Almighty, Jehovah. The ladies proceeded to Bethlehem.

We had lived in Reedsport for almost 6 years when Dale passed away. We had grown to love it and the people in the church. It was home. Yet the moment Dale took his last breath, it was no longer home to me. I wanted to go home. I wanted to be close to my family, my girls, my grandson. Six months later, Emily and I made the transition, uprooted, and headed north. It was a natural response to want to leave Reedsport. We had gone there because Dale was called to serve at the church. We had no connection to it before hand. We had no family there. Dale being there, being there as a family made it home. With him gone, our reason for coming there nullified, I wanted to go home.

Both Orpah and Naomi had the same natural response. It was apparent that Orpah loved her mother in law, for she wept at the thought of leaving her. At first she didn't want to go home. But her heart must have tugged at the thought of leaving her own family so much so that she stayed. She is often given a bad rap for staying in that pagan place. But it was home to her. Naomi's response likewise was normal and natural, though there may have been some she had gotten acquainted with, friends, in laws, who didn't want to see her go, thought she was crazy. Moab was not home to Naomi, Bethlehem was.

When I made the decision to leave Reedsport, there were those in the church that couldn't understand why I would leave. They felt it was my home, that they had become my 'family'. Feelings were hurt, friendships dissolved when I left. They just didn't get it. God had called us to that place, why would I go. Why? Dale was gone. He was the reason we were called there. I was no longer the pastors wife. My reason, my purpose for being there had ended. It was time to go home. It was a normal, natural response.

You may have friends who have lost a spouse and are making decisions similar to this; leaving a job, moving away. Be supportive. Please don't think you know what is best for them. Don't tell them they are wrong that they should do what makes you feel good, what you want. Believe me, it only adds to the difficulty of their plight, to the deep sorrow and grief they are going through. Pray for them, love them, encourage them. Making those kinds of decisions are hard enough to make on your own without feeling your are disappointing those you love.

Journeying with Ruth

It never ceases to amaze me how God works in my life, or maybe better put, what He has to do to get my attention. But Sunday, He knew exactly what to do.

My Pastor is on sabbatical for the summer, which I think is a very cool thing for the church to give him. A time to re-tool, re-fresh, re-focus, and to finish his doctorate. As a result of his absence, our youth pastor is stepping up to the plate and doing a majority of the teaching. Pastor Nate, like Pastor Karl truly has the gift of teaching, we are doubly blessed as a church. Sunday morning when Pastor Nate took to the pulpit, he told how he would be teaching through the Book of Ruth. 'Great!', I thought, 'I love the Book of Ruth!' Little did I know what was next.

As he started to teach, a wave of emotion overtook me, then came a flood, soon followed by a tsunami. It felt as though the Lord tore wide open my heart leaving me feeling raw, vulnerable and as though Dale has only passed away the day before. It was all new, and fresh again. My it hurt! As Pastor Nate continued teaching, my tears continued, I wanted to get up and go home, but one downside to the habit of sitting at the front, is everyone would see me go. I stayed, and endured.

Prior to Sunday, I was feeling very overwhelmed with the fact I would soon be looking for full time work. I have never had to work outside the home. I have never wanted to. I was blessed to have a husband who was a wonderful provider, which allowed me to take care of him and the girls, and to do the things I love doing. Fear, gripping fear, anxiousness, anger, had hold of my heart. Why at age 50 was I now having to do something I have never wanted to do?

Monday morning, still feeling raw, I sat to have my devotions, and decided that there must be a reason the Lord has Pastor Nate teach about Ruth. There must be a reason why God tore open the floodgates of my heart. I would study the Book of Ruth during the time Pastor Nate would be teaching it. I would make it mine. I would see what the Lord had for me in it. He never wastes time when it comes to His word.

As I reread the first 18 verses over and over, I keep saying, through more tears, 'I want to be faithful like Ruth', ' I want the same kind of faith Naomi and Ruth had.' Faithful. As the week progressed, as I continued to reread those same verses, God was strengthening my heart. I went to a book case and pulled out a very precious book, called God Rules, God Cares, and God provides: Lessons from the Book of Ruth, by Dale Valovich. I held the book, caressed it, turned to the last page and smiled at Dale's picture, and cried some more. I started to reread the book. It was good to 'hear' his voice again. To read his words that he spoke as he taught the Book of Ruth, and how it spoke to my heart, as his words spoke to me.

I have come to some wonderful conclusions this week, some new realizations, some new joys, and I wanted to share them, as perhaps, there is one out there who like me is a widow, and is dawning on a new horizon. In the weeks to come I will be writing what I learn, sharing my heart perhaps in a different way than I have before.

I hope you will be blessed by this journey with Ruth and I. I hope someone will be helped and encouraged by it. I am excited to see where the Lord takes me as I go out to 'glean' in the fields, being obedient to whatever He calls me to.