But...So...

"...He knows the way I take; when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.
My foot has held fast to His path; I have kept His way and not turned aside.

I have not departed from the command of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food. And what His soul desires, that He does.

For He performs  what is appointed for me, and many such decrees are with Him.
Therefore, I would be dismayed at His presence; when I consider, I am terrified of Him.

It is God who has made my heart faint, and the Almighty who has dismayed me.
But...I am not silenced by the darkness, nor deep gloom which covers me." Job 23.10-17

So...
"I love the Lord, because He hears my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live...

Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; yes, our God is compassionate. The Lord preserves the simple, (that would be me)...

I shall walk before the Lord in the land of the living...

What shall I render to the Lord for all His benefits toward me? I shall lift up the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the Lord." Psalms. 116,1,2,5,6,9,12,13

Brooks and Ravens

As I went to church Sunday, I was prepared for the continuing saga of Ruth by Pastor Nate. As the service started it was announced that one of the other men in the church would be teaching. Mike has taught a couple times since I have been at the church, and has done a great job. He told us to turn to the book of I Kings, as we would be looking at Elijah. Great, nice change up from Ruth, maybe this sermon won't tug on my soul as Pastor Nate's has. I should know better by now.

We find Elijah being told by God to go to a brook to wait out the drought He would be sending. Elijah went. Nice cool brook, shady green trees, a good scroll to read...not bad. 'Oh, and I will be sending ravens with your food.' Scavenger birds...dirty, nasty beaks... bringing his food? Not kosher! Elijah had just stood alone against a pagan nation,  and he gets birds?

It has been a tough couple of weeks for me as I have been trying to find a 'field to glean'. I am finding that homemakers are not very employable. I am finding I have very few marketable skills. I have very little work experience outside the home. I have had days of roller coaster emotions, days where things look like there is a glimmer of hope on the horizon, days where I am ready to sell everything, including my house and move in with my kids, which they have said I can do. I have great kids!

My brook has been dry for a long time. I have tried to be faithful and trudge along, being faithful and obedient in doing what I need to do to find work. Application, after application, workshops at a job source office...I am weary. I don't want to play anymore. I want the Lord to make it all better. But as I was reminded today, the Lord doesn't do things the way we think it should be done...what I see as needs, the Lord sees differently...how I think God should provide, He provides in a totally opposite way...because He knows.

Elijah got a brook with ravens to provide his needs. But eventually the brook dried up, and yet God continued to provide. My dried brook looks like the end of the world, as hopeless, as desperate. God sees it as an opportunity to shine...to show me who He is in my life. My dried brook isn't His displeasure, but for His pleasure. How I live right now verifies my theology. My dried brook is giving me an opportunity to trust, to rest, and at some point to rise, as Elijah did, to continue the work the Lord has called me too...whatever that is.

I am looking for that small cloud letting me know the drought is nearly over. Yet, as I look at that dried up creek, the rocky bottom of what once was a full, flowing stream bed, you know what I see....

...what looks very much like a trodden path. He has gone before me. He is leading me on.

Pictures from Google Images

R and R

Our society is so vastly different from that of Ruth and Naomi. I wonder if they took vacations at all. Travel wasn't as easy then, family normally stayed close by, even generations living in the same home. I wonder if Ruth had wished for time to just get away and regroup. Time to let her loss, her leaving her family, venturing on with her mother in law, to sink in, to filter through her heart.

I have often looked back over these 2 1/2 years and felt like I never had a time to just grieve, to be alone and let the Lord refresh my bleeding, bruised heart. I didn't have time to take time. The moment Dale passed away, the game was a foot, so to speak. I now had 2 roles to play, head of the home and homemaker. There wasn't time to breath or to regroup. How I longed for the 40 days of grieving the Lord set down in scripture for His people. Uninterrupted, no worries about bills, or decisions. Just time to grieve and be with the Lord. Perhaps because of the time the Lord set down, Ruth was able to regroup and process everything without feeling like she needed a spa day.

This past weekend I was able to cut away to one of my favorite spots in the world and just be. I was able to go back to the town where we lived when Dale passed away, and the Lord helped me to let loose of past weight and burden, to bring closure with a renewed strength to move forward. How glorious it was! There is nothing in that town to hold me, save a few dear friends. I was able to sit early in the morning, watching the sun rise, and the fog lift from the lake and just be still, knowing He is indeed God. Perspective changed, heart strengthened, confidence restored, and I lost 2 pounds to boot! Not bad for one weekend!

God gave to Ruth all she needed to find work, hard, humbling work though it be, but she went anyway. A women of excellence. Attitude, obedience, diligence, faithfulness, love. He was her R and R. I am learning too, that though an occasional spa day would be great, a cup of tea at the waters edge would delight and refresh my soul, I know that being still, with the Lord, daily, He will refresh my soul, delivering me from all that holds me, from all that concerns and worries me. Past burdens gone, new ones arise, but He will deliver, strengthen uphold, even when I can't see what's next around the bend. I don't have to know, just trust knowing He does, since He created the bend, and has placed me on this path for a purpose.

I digress...

This isn't a post on Ruth today. I needed a place to vent a little. I have been accused of something, nothing major or earth shattering, but something I know not to be true. What hurts the most is was by one I love, who is playing tug of war with the earthly and the eternal. That breaks my heart. When, we'll call her Jane, when Jane is in this mode, she wants little to do with me, I think because she knows I love her enough to tell her the truth, and right now she doesn't want to hear it. It has been this kind of relationship for a long time. Why do I stay? Because I love her. She means a lot to me. She has been a encourager and support to me. We have walked down this trodden path together. We have a history.

She knows better. She knows well how to walk, yet from time to time, her spiritual blinders slip askew, and she gets distracted. I think that the things the Lord will have use to get her focus on Him to return will be hard things, harder than before. If they will keep her next to Him, whole-heartedly, putting both her feet solidly into the eternal, letting go of the things of this world that hold her, then it must be.

I want to scream at her and tell her how this life it to short to play games with the Lord. He is no fool. He knows what she is doing. She is not deceiving Him. She is the deceived one. That scares me. Earth is our practice run for eternity. How we walk, the glory we give to the Lord here on earth, will have, I believe an impact on our eternity with Him. Yes, He is all forgiving, but should we purposely place ourselves in sinful situations to learn that? As Paul would say, 'May it never be!'

Our days are precious. Our days are short. Life ends when we least expect it. I don't want to stand ashamed, head bowed, when I see Jesus face to face.

Devotions with Ruth #2

As I read these passages this morning, it seems so perfectly to fit with my last post on grace and obedience. They were, once again, gentle reminders that I will be okay. The Lord will provide for me, I needn't fear, only trust and obey, and He will lead me in His amazing grace, just as He did Ruth.

'I will instruct you and teach you in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye'. Ps. 32.8


Oh, keep thy conscience sensitive;
No inward token miss;
And go where grace entices thee;
Perfection lies in this.  F.W. Faber (from The Way of Perfection)


"We need only obey. There is guidance for each of us, and by lowly listening we shall hear the right word.'' R.W. Emerson


"The heights of Christian perfection can only be reached by faithfully each moment following the Guide who is to lead you there, and He reveals your way to you one step at a time, in the little things of your daily lives, asking only on your part that you yield yourselves up to His guidance. If then, in anything you feel doubtful or troubled, be sure that it is the voice of you Lord, and surrender it at once to His bidding, rejoicing with a great joy that He has begun thus to lead and guide you". Hannah W. Smith